Living on a Prayer
by Inhumunculus
Summary: "I have never been one for prayer . . . I did once . . . but then everything fell apart and I found it very hard to believe in anything other than my own survival." Alone at 20, Natsuki Kuga struggles to care for her two younger sisters. She finds salvation in the heart, arms and wallet of the successful lawyer Shizuru Viola. However, Natsuki's ticket to salvation my be her doom.
1. Prologue

**Didn't think there would be a new story up already, did you? After MBV was done, I had nothing else to write so I decided to kick-start this new project right away. **

**Unfortunately this isn't a horror story and deals with real-life situations so if slice of life isn't your expertise you may want to find something else to read. Although, if this is up your alley feel free to stick around. **

**Anyway, without further ado, let's get on with the prologue shall we? **

* * *

I have never been one for prayer. It wasn't like rubbing a magic lamp and having a genie grant your every wish or even catching a silent plea on a falling star. To me prayer always seemed like empty promises that never got answered or even considered for that matter. That's why it always irked me whenever my parents would have me pray before meals and especially in church. I didn't see the point of it and would always close my eyes to appease them, but I never uttered a word, not out loud or even in my head.

However, now that I'm older and know better, I certainly wished I had prayed a lot more, or had taken it more seriously. Perhaps if I had then all of the things that happened wouldn't have happened and things would have been a whole lot different. But then again, if they didn't I wouldn't be where I am now or have grown so much or even have all the things I have (even if it took a crap load of hard work to get them).

But I'm getting ahead of myself. It's best to start these things at the beginning where it all happened.

My name is Natsuki Kuga. I lived with both of my parents in modern-day Japan in a small town called Fuuka. It was an okay town and still continues to be, but over the years it has changed into a shell of its former glory . . . much like me.

For a long while it had been me and my parents living in a one-story house in one of the safer parts of town. They were both young when they had me, newlyweds, barely married a year, but they welcomed me with open arms and open hearts one warm day in August. There was never any animosity towards my birth and even though some relatives chided my parents for having me so soon, they paid them no mind. They knew I was to be loved and didn't care what anyone else thought or said.

They did all they could for me, gave me everything: food, clothes, you name it. However for a time I didn't have a bed because they couldn't afford it, so they let me sleep in their bed. I loved those nights when I would crawl in between them, my head nestled in the crease where both their pillows met, the blanket swallowing me whole. My mother would wrap one arm around my waist and my father did the same, pulling all three of us close together. They would whisper words of goodnight to me how lucky they were to have me. They would then fall asleep but I always remained awake, listening to the sound of their breathing, inhaling their scent that lingered on the blanket, and feeling their warmth. I fell asleep soon after.

* * *

My fondest memory of us together was shortly after my fourth birthday. It was particularly hot summer day and the air felt humid and sticky. There was no breeze and all anyone could do was sweat in the sweltering heat. Since it was weekend and my parents didn't have to work, we decided to get out of the house and go to a nearby park. Since it was within walking distance, we didn't take the family car and within ten minutes arrived at the park.

I had never actually been to the park before, only see it in passing, so when my foot touched the sidewalk and I ran up to the carpet of soft green grass closed around the roots of towering trees I felt as if I had flown to paradise. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. The air was fresh and crisp, the grass full of life, and the canopy of leaves from the trees kept out the brutal sun. It was so perfect.

The first thing I did was race over to a playground in the middle of the park. In my excitement I left my parents behind to catch up while I jumped into the sinking gray sand and jogged as fast as I could over to the colorful jungle gym. I poked in and out of every hole, nook and cranny I could find; any place that wasn't off-limits was fair territory.

My favorite part of all was the slide. Being a little kid, I thought it was the biggest and best slide in the whole world. It towered four feet high and was bent upwards so that it represented waves. It's bright orange paint was chipping off and rust coated some parts, but I didn't care. It was beautiful regardless.

Climbing up to the beginning of the slide, I fell in line behind two other kids about my age. It felt like forever until it was my turn, but I waited patiently (which was a feat in itself because you can't get a four year old to be patient for anything) and when it was my turn to slide, I jumped right in. Sitting down at the top I looked down in apprehension, a little intimidated by the height, but I swallowed my fear, closed my eyes, and pushed myself forward.

The speed at which I went was dizzying and for a moment I was scared, but then that fear turned into giddy butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't help but smile. The whipping wind in my face brushed back the strands of my hair and inflated my cheeks so that they puffed out like a chipmunk. I couldn't help but laugh on my way down. It was the happiest I had ever felt.

Of course when my feet smashed into the soft sand I couldn't wait to dash off and go again. It was like a high I couldn't get away from because for that one moment sliding down that slide I could fly, I was free.

Making my way towards the slide again, my feet hadn't even touched the rope ladder that climbed up the side of the jungle gym when an orange haired girl who had also been sliding misjudged her landing and crashed into the sand on her face. She rose up with a lot of sand stuck to her face and she was about to cry.

I stopped my climbing and thought on what to do. I was a lot nicer back then and my parents had taught me well, so I had no qualms about going over and asking if she was okay. Even though she was still crying she nodded I tried my best to cheer her up by inviting her to have a slide contest with me to see who could slide the fastest. She happily accepted.

Later on as we got more comfortable with each other, I learned her name was Mai Tokiha and that she lived a couple blocks away from where I lived. She lived with her parents and had a baby brother on the way. I informed her that I had no siblings and lived with my parents.

"Don't you get lonely?" she asked.

"Nope!" I beamed brightly, getting ready to slide. "I like having my mommy and daddy all to myself."

We played with one another for the majority of the day, sliding the slide, reaching across the monkey bars, chasing one another around the swings and laughing. We played multiple games like hide and seek and tag (that was my favorite since I am a fast runner and I always won). Our antics went along like this until mid-afternoon then Mai's parents collected her to go home. We didn't want to say goodbye and spoil our fun, but we had no choice and said our goodbyes until next time.

When she left I was a little lonely and I had no one to play with so I settled for sitting on the swings and lazily pushing myself along with no real interest. Then all of a sudden an unseen force pushed my swing forwards at breakneck speed and I squeaked, gripping the metal sides of the swing as tight as I could. The swing flew upwards with me along with it in a big sweeping arc, coming down just as fast. Butterflies flitted in my stomach and a cross between a shriek and a laugh erupted from my throat. I had never experienced something so exciting and terrifying.

Hearty laughter rang up from behind me and the swing abruptly stopped, my feet touching the sand. Opening my eyes, I tilted my head back and smiled upon seeing my dad. Eagerly I begged him to push me up again, make me fly, and he obliged with a big thrust forward and up I went.

The constant game of swinging lingered on for hours, well until the sun was beginning to set. The warm glow of sunlight through the trees made me feel good, as if everything was alright in the world. Settling between my parents as we laid in the grass after a long day of play, to see them smiling at each other and stealing a kiss or two . . . to be in that instance full of love and bright futures . . . there was no place else I wanted to be.

* * *

Then something happened that changed the family dynamic that I had come to know: my mother was pregnant.

I didn't understand it at first, being only five at the time I wasn't sure what was going on or even how my mother had come to be with child. All I knew was that things were changing . . . and I didn't like it. Everywhere I looked, every conversation I heard was all about the new baby. I was no longer the center of attention and I realized that my mom and dad no longer belonged to just me. In my mind, I was being replaced.

Of course that didn't fly with me so I did what any other five year old would do if she felt like she was being pushed away: I began to act out.

It started with little things, I wouldn't pick up my toys or I would not eat my vegetables. You know, little kid stuff that really got on my parents' nerves. Then I started getting bolder and would openly defy them and cause a scene. I didn't care where we were who or saw, I wanted my parents to know I meant business.

My behavior stunned my parents, of course. They didn't know what had caused my abrupt mood swing, but they didn't like it at all. I was punished severely that night: no dinner and sent to my room. I sat on the floor with my legs crossed, just sitting there, hunger pangs eating my alive from the inside out. I was so hungry and was tempted to sneak out and steal something to eat, but common sense won out that time. I was in enough trouble and it wouldn't be a good idea to get into even more. So there I sat, hugging my knees, staring at the wall, and rethinking all that I had done.

Looking back on my actions, I realized how terrible I was and how much grief I actually caused my parents. It was stressful raising a little kid and then having a baby on the way. We weren't rich so another child would definitely take a drain on the finances, which meant less for all of us. My attitude had only caused more problems and I sighed, putting my head in my knees. It wasn't my fault I acted like that . . . I just didn't want to be forgotten.

The door opened and I looked up to see my dad come into the room. Instantly I clammed up, frozen to the spot. When he was mad, my dad was a man to be feared and instantly I swallowed hard, awaiting a fierce tongue-lashing that would come. I listened attentively while he scolded me harshly, every word burning into my memory as if with a brand. From then on I never wanted to upset my parents ever again.

"I didn't want to," I argued back weakly, barely having the stamina I thought I did. My dad had a knack for draining the strength out of you. "I just wanted you to pay attention to me."

He blinked. "We do. Why do you think we don't?"

I shook my head. "No, you're always talking about the baby. Everything is about it." Tears welled in my eyes. "I don't want you to leave me. I don't want to be replaced."

My dad blinked again as if surprised. "Natsuki . . ." He softened and kneeled down, ruffling my hair good-naturedly. "We're not replacing you. Why would we want to replace a good girl like you? I apologize for not paying attention to you a little bit more, but things have been very hectic and they're not easy."

I expected such an answer. It was basically saying, "We're sorry you're lonely, but there's nothing we can do about it". It wasn't what I wanted to hear and the resentment in I had for the baby grew.

"I don't want Mommy to have it," I cried, shedding angry tears. "I hate it. It's gonna take you away from me. I want it to be just be us. Can't Mommy give it away or something?"

Dad was floored by my bitterness. "Natsuki, you hardly even gave this a chance. There's nothing we can do, the baby is coming and we all have to be ready." He smirked. "And you know the baby's going to need someone like you to look out for it."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Me?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It'll need a big sister like you to play with it and teach it things that Mommy and I can't." He looked me in the eyes. "Now this is a big job, but only you can do it. Do you think you can be a good big sister to the baby?"

In that instant I felt special for receiving such an important responsibility. It was was if I was no longer a little kid, but a grown up and I felt proud. "Yeah! I can do it. I'll be the best big sister ever."

Dad grinned and ruffled my hair. "I know you will be."

* * *

That winter my sister Anberlin was born.

It was in the middle of the night and everyone was fast asleep. We all woke to the sound of my mother groaning, calling for a trip to the hospital so the baby could be born. Dad instantly knew what to do so he snatched me up from my sleep and shuffled all of us to the family car.

I hardly remember what exactly took place that night since I was asleep for most of it, but I clearly remember being collected by a nurse in the early hours of the morning and shuffled off to meet my parents. The nurse led me to a large white room where my mother and Dad were. My mother was resting in a large bed, quite exhausted, with Dad standing beside her. Both were looking at some bundle in her arms.

Dad saw me first and beckoned me over and I did so instantly, taking small steps so that I wouldn't fall over (I was still quite tired). Taking me in his strong arms, Dad held me up so that I could see the baby.

"Natsuki, meet your new sister, Anberlin," he said in a soft voice.

She was beautiful with the blackest hair I had ever seen, as if someone had set a piece of tar atop of her head and skin that was quite pink. I related it to freshly chewed bubblegum. A pair of bright blue eyes stuck out to stare at me before blinking closed for a nap. I fell in love with her instantly and knew from that moment I would always look out for her. It was no longer about me . . . and I was okay with that.

The first few months Anberlin was home, I never let her out of my sight. Even when my mother fed her or put her to bed for a nap, I was always there to make sure everything went smoothly. In my mind I was Anberlin's self-appointed guardian and it was my task to keep her safe. I guess you could say I was taking the my role as big sister very well and it pleased both of my parents very much. They had never seen me happier and it warmed their hearts knowing they didn't have to worry about Annie so much. I could always be trusted to take good care of my little sister. I had lived up to Dad's expectations and that made me proud.

* * *

Then one day things changed, just out of the blue and without warning.

It happened one spring day when I was six and Anberlin was one. We stood side by side, staring at our parents as they hugged tightly, tears in their eyes. In his younger years, Dad signed up for the Army Reserves and his regiment was called. He was dressed in Army fatigues with a simple duffle bag lying at his feet. My mom begged him to stay, and he tried to comfort her to ease her pain.

"Be careful," she whispered to him, holding him tightly as if that would keep him with us that much longer.

"I will," he replied softly, holding her in his strong arms. "I'll come back to you all soon. I promise." Letting her go, he then turned his attention to Anberlin and me, kneeling down in front of us and sweeping us both in one big hug. He had never hugged us harder. "I love you both, mind your mother until I get back."

I looped my arms around his neck, holding him tightly. I had no clue what was going on, but I knew that he was leaving and I didn't want him to go. "Why do you have to leave?" I asked.

"Natsuki . . ." Dad pulled back to peer into my eyes and placed both hands on my shoulders. "It's complicated and you'll understand when you're older. But while I'm gone I'm counting on you to watch out for your sister and help your mother. They'll both need you. Can you do that for me?"

I held my breath; another big task. Dad was asking so much of me, for me to be mature enough to be good while he was away. I wasn't sure if I was ready . . . but I had to be. I would do anything for my dad and I would certainly do this for him without a doubt.

I nodded. "Yeah . . ."

He smiled. "That's my girl." He kissed my forehead and pulled me into another hug before doing the same to Anberlin. "I'll always be thinking of you."

Standing, he proceeded to the door and opened it, but not before kissing my mother and telling her how much she meant to him and that he loved her. He then left the house and we followed him out to the front porch, watching him load his things into an Army truck.

I wanted to chase after him, beg him to stay with us. We wouldn't be a family without him and with him gone, everything just felt empty and broken. I shook my head; I couldn't let that happen. Breaking away from my mother's side, I chased after him, stopping right before he got into the truck with the other soldiers.

"Dad, wait," I called, prompting him to turn back. "Don't go. Please, don't."

"Natsuki . . ." He pulled me into him, holding me tightly to his chest. I closed my eyes as I held him back, inhaling the scent of his clothes. I would always remember his smell after that. "If things were different I would stay, but I'm asking you now: be strong. I know you have strength in you. You're an extraordinary girl and I can expect great things from you. I know you'll do what's right."

After giving me another kiss, he piled into the truck and closed the door. A cloud of exhaust blacked out my image for a moment as it pulled away from our house, taking off down the road. I stood where I was, looking at the truck go and through the darkened window, I knew Dad was looking back at me too.

It was very lonely without him around. My mother had to raise Anberlin and me alone and it was very difficult for her. More often than once she would work late to try to keep the same income as before and would rely on me to watch Anberlin at home. I wasn't bothered by the loneliness, I knew there was a good reason why my mother wasn't around as much. I would distract myself by doing things around the house to help her: cleaning, putting away dishes, maybe warming something in microwave (I wasn't allowed to use the stove by myself yet), etc. It helped fight off the feelings of being alone.

Still, when my mother would stumble through the door, exhausted from her long day, and see everything done it always brought a smile to her face. She patted my head, waking me up on the couch (I always fell asleep before she came home) and tell me how much she appreciated everything I did.

"Your father would be proud," she always said and my spirits soared.

After she came home, I always went off to my room and close the door behind me, the darkness of the room swallowing me whole. The only light came from the street lamps outside my window and I would crawl over to them and peer out into the quiet street. The crickets provided a soothing sound to lull me to sleep . . . but I couldn't fall into dreamland without saying my prayers.

My hands would clasp in front of me and I closed my eyes so tight as I prayed for Dad. I prayed that he would come back home soon and be with us again so that my mother wouldn't be so exhausted and I wouldn't have to watch Anberlin by myself. I asked and pleaded with God to bring him back to us again and I did so so hard that sometimes I got a headache. After that, I laid down on my bed and curled up with the blanket, staring outside the window, knowing for sure that Dad would come back one day.

But he never did. In fact, there was no chance he would come back at all.

Three months after Dad had left, we got a phone call. My mother put down the dishes she was washing and picked up . . . then her whole demeanor changed. She burst into tears, a hand pressed to her mouth to keep her cries muffled. She could hardly finish the conversation before hanging up and pressing her hands to her eyes.

Dad had been killed in a training accident earlier that morning.

Never before had I felt so empty than I did right then. Anger, sorrow, loss and confusion raged within me like a tremendous storm and all I could do was cry, for hours on end. It didn't compute in my mind being without him forever. I always believed he would come back but everything had changed with that one phone call. I no longer knew the world like I did before. My reality was completely broken.

Still, as crazy as it sounds, I didn't betray Dad's promise. Without him there, I worked even harder to help my mother and Anberlin. He counted on me to keep the family and order and do what was right - and I did. I vowed that no matter how much I didn't want to do something or how hard things were I would keep doing it because I knew it would make him proud. And that was all I wanted.

Things tapered out for a while. We settled into a routine where my mother worked and I would take care of the house and Anberlin. More often than not Anberlin and I would be home alone late, doing homework and making dinner for ourselves and for when our mother would come home. I didn't mind being home alone, it was quiet most of the time and I would always do my homework right after I put Anberlin to bed and waited for my mother. It gave me a sense of peace for some reason, and I was content with it. I thought nothing could shatter my world now. I thought I had successfully glued all of the glass pieces back together again.

But the thing about glass is that it's so fragile and anything can break it.

Not even a year after Dad's death my mother brought a man home. He was a little on the tall side and had a very stern, strong face with dark eyes and hair. Immediately I didn't like him. In my mind I had made myself the designated "man of the house" and to have some stranger come into my house was not okay.

Right off the bat I made it perfectly clear I didn't appreciate the guy being there. Purposefully, I would make rude and smart remarks, venom behind every word. I felt the terror I had buried before Anberlin was born begin to emerge again, scratching at the surface of my self control. So many times I was tempted to let it break loose, to show what a true challenge I posed and in my mind that seemed perfectly okay, even justified. I felt that my mother had betrayed Dad's memory by being with another man and that simply wasn't okay. If she was trying to forget him, then I was right there to remind her every minute of the day.

My behavior continued to escalate the more my mother continued to see this guy. It evolved from saying simple words to full-blown outbursts, in public or otherwise. It was all to purposefully embarrass my mother and this guy and it wouldn't matter where we were. I wanted to show this guy just what he was signing up for and I truly believed I would chase him away. After all, who would like to deal with a problem child?

However, being a young kid when this happened I should have known better than to expect my antics to continue unabated. It became too much for my mother and one day she left me at home alone while she, Anberlin and that guy went out for the evening.

"I don't need a brat like you ruining my chances," she hissed before slamming the door in my face.

The anger and fury I felt was unimaginable and for a young kid of seven or eight to be feeling it was dangerous. Just to let it out I would scream and punch holes in the walls (at least try but only ended up hurting my fingers instead) but no matter how hard I tried there was nothing to dissipate my spite. It was as if it was an endless well and there was no bottom, but all I could do was try to find an outlet for it. That usually involved more punching of anything I could land my hands on. I've even destroyed some old toys of mine in my blind fury and then regretted doing it to my own possessions.

Still, despite being so angry at my mother for betraying Dad or that guy for coming in and disrupting my stabilized life, I was furious at God the most. He hadn't heard my prayers for protecting Dad while he was away and ended up taking him forever and he hadn't heard my pleas of getting this guy out of my life. I was always told that God would perform miracles through prayer and for him to do the exact opposite and take everything from me was the final nail in the coffin. I had really begun to lose my faith.

A thought then occurred to me: if no one was going to do what I wanted for me then I would have to handle business myself. I made a point to triple my efforts to break my mother and that guy apart, graduating from simple, childish tricks to potentially harmful attacks. I wasn't going to take anything lying down anymore and no matter how much punishment I received I never stopped. I was out of control.

Still, nothing is without its consequences. I would purposefully not be given meals for the way I acted and I was left alone by myself for a long while. For a long time I was grounded from anything with all of my possessions taken away. At one point all I had in my room was my bed. My daily routine would be to get up, got to school, come home, do chores, do homework, then go to bed and not once did I receive any sympathy for my misery.

"You brought this on yourself," my mother would always remind me.

And that was true, it was all my fault but if she understood why I was doing it then perhaps things would have been looked at from a different angle.

Then, despite my best efforts and all my energy devoted to it, my mother and that guy got married. I refused to go to the wedding, I wanted no part of it. As usual, I stayed home by myself during the big day, sulking in my own bitterness as if I could will the whole ceremony to come to a screeching halt. It still happened and later that afternoon they stumbled into the house as a married couple.

They were all smiles and in a good mood, even Anberlin (who was still young and naive) was excited. They thought we were all going to be one big happy family, but I never accepted that guy into my family. I refused to acknowledge him as my father.

That was when I officially lost all sense of self-respect for myself. I felt as if I had completely failed Dad by allowing this man to take his place and since Dad had counted on me, I felt as if I wasn't worth it anymore. Purposefully I started getting bad marks in school and it soon got to the point where I wasn't even trying. It didn't matter how many conferences I had with my teachers or how many threats of failing I received, nothing was going to change me.

My whole personality changed as well. I went from being a really good kid to a complete hard-ass, dressing all macho and wearing a complete frown all the time. I don't think I've ever truly smiled during that time. I simply didn't have anything to be happy about. People completely avoided me at school, keeping at least a ten-foot boundary. They were afraid of me and, perversely, I liked. For the first time I actually had power over people and I sucked it up like a sponge. It became an addiction and I needed more.

And like most addictions, they usually lead to a bigger problem.

In my search for greater power, I got tangled up in a dangerous group of drug smugglers and dealers. I was unfortunate enough to meet the group's drug lord right off the bat, a brazen redhead called Nao. We immediately hit it off and she had me working the streets quickly, showing me the ropes of the game and how to hustle without getting caught. The danger of the game gave me a thrill and money was really good. There were nights when I would bring in as much as a couple hundred dollars worth, depending on how hard I worked. I was a natural saleswoman.

This bitter lifestyle lasted until I was entering my sophomore year of high school and a new wrench was thrown into my life and if it hadn't I would probably be dead: her name was Alyssa.

She was born on April Fool's Day, but she was anything but a joke. Alyssa was beautiful with the blondest blonde hair I had ever seen, like solidified sunshine and the brightest icy blue eyes. And even though she was from another man, I didn't care. I knew right then that I would always be there for Alyssa, just like I was there for Anberlin years ago.

I straightened up my act right away. I broke off all connections I had with Nao (even if it did cause a drastic drop in my income) and tried harder in school. When people shied away from me, I always went that extra mile to to make them understand I wasn't as bad they thought I was. I felt like the old Natsuki was slowly coming back. My future was looking bright again.

* * *

I woke up one morning on a Saturday thinking I was going to have a good day with my sisters, but immediately something was off. I got up and took a once-over all over the house and found my mother and that guy missing. They were just gone with their things packed and gone with them. I dashed to the kitchen and found a note sitting on the counter. Picking it up, I read it over:

Natsuki -

You've straightened yourself out but your attitude has already taken its toll. Everything is left up to you. Take good care of things and have a nice life.

Just like that? Have a nice life? It seemed too cruel to be real, but there it was laid out for me in black and white on paper. A sinking feeling dropped in my stomach and once more I felt my world shift. I tried to straighten myself out, but it was too late to correct my mistakes. The damage was already done. Now I was in a house alone with two sisters to raise, no steady income, and I was barely eighteen.

And I had myself to blame for it.

* * *

**Yeah, prologue kind of went from good to bad, but hey that's how life is. Things happen and you end up mad as ever and hating everybody's guts. So please, if you don't want to stick with this then turn back now and find something else to read. Because if you can't hack the troubles of real life then this is not the story for you. **

**However, if you do want to stick around then please do. I will try to get an update up soon so hold on for me.**

**Chapter Theme: Paradise by Coldplay (can you tell I love this song?) **


	2. Daily Struggles

**Wow, the prologue hit off pretty good. Thanks to all that have reviewed/faved/alerted. It means a lot. Well, instead of rambling on, I'll keep going on then. Hooray for rapid updates! **

**Also, if this chapter reaches at least 10 reviews, I will update the next chapter within one week. **

* * *

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! _

With a groan I roll over onto my stomach, slamming the palm of my hand upon the alarm clock. My fingers don't find the "off" button right away and the wretched noise kept blaring in my tender ears. Like a fish, my hand flopped all over the alarm clock, hoping to somehow find that blasted button to end the stupid noise. My efforts were futile as the obnoxious beeping kept going.

I growled. "Shut up!" Lifting my head off the pillow, I pushed the button and instantly it stopped, but I still kept hearing the ringing in my head.

Sighing, I rubbed the heels of my palms over my eyes, wiping away the remnants of sleep. With a breath, I looked at the time to find the same thing every morning: 6 a.m. It was still a little dark outside, barely dawn, but I had gotten used to it. It was always cooler this time of day.

Lifting off the bed, I stumbled to the door and opened it, allowing myself into the hallway. It was darker than the waking world outside, but I had learned to navigate the darkness and walked across to the door in front of mine.

"Annie," I called as I let myself into the room. The ruffling of sheets and a light groan were my only answer. "Come on, get up." Fumbling against the wall, I found the light switch and flicked it on, flooding the room with bright yellow light.

Anberlin winced away from the light and turned over on her side. "No," she moaned, tossing the blankets over her head.

I sighed. Anberlin was always the most difficult to get up in the morning; ever day was a battle. "Come on, get up." Grasping the blanket, I pulled it off her, watching as she struggled to keep herself in bed. "School's gonna start soon."

She turned over to face me, eyes squeezed together from the brightness of the light. "It's six in the morning," she pointed out, "school doesn't start for another hour."

"And by the time you're finished getting ready you'll have fifteen minutes," I shot back in a calm voice. We had had this battle before and each time she lost. "Come on, you need to take Alyssa with you and you two can't be late." I gave a small smile as she tumbled from the bed, almost zombie-like, and placed her feet on the floor. "Thank you."

Leaving the room, I traveled further down the hall towards the master bedroom, stopping just outside the door. I always got queazy whenever I approached this room. It had been my mother's and Dad's and I had always treated it as holy ground that shouldn't be trespassed on. This happened every morning and like all of the previous mornings, I had to find the courage to open the door.

Drawing in a breath, I reached for the handle and turned it.

"Alyssa?"

The bed was made and ready, as if no one had slept in it at all. Turning further into the room, I noticed the light in the bathroom was on and ventured further in. I smiled upon seeing Alyssa making up her hair in front of the mirror, trying to tie it back in a black ribbon.

I chuckled, leaning against the doorway, arms crossed. "Need help?" I offered.

"No, I got it," she insisted. With small fingers she struggled to pull the hair up into the ribbon. She lost her grip on the shiny black strip and her blonde strands fell down in a cascaded of gold. She pouted, throwing the ribbon down in frustrated protest.

"Here." Walking up behind her, I took the brush and ribbon in my hands, combing back her hair into my palm. Alyssa's hair was always soft, like rabbit's fur. The brush lifted out any tangles that could be found (there were none) and the hair dropped in a long waterfall down Alyssa's back. Taking up the ribbon, I curled it beneath her hair, right at the base of her skull, and pulled both ends up before tying the ribbon together. After a once over in the mirror, I placed my hands on her shoulders. "Okay, you're done."

She turned back to me with a bright smile, blue eyes shining. "Thanks." Hopping off the stool, she proceeded to walk towards the kitchen to get breakfast, like she normally did every morning. For being only four, she was pretty self-sufficient.

I watched her leave, shaking my head and smirking. It was amazing how she could stand to have so much energy early in the morning while Anberlin and I were still dead tired. It just went to show that even with so many things missing from our lives, there was still cause to be joyful.

Turning off the bathroom light, I exited the room, closing the door on my way out. I would never go into the room again until the next morning, when the cycle would start all over again.

Entering my room, I gathered up my work uniform from a small pile on a nearby chair. In addition to other clothes, I would wear that uniform for the majority of the day until I had to change into regular clothes and go to my second job. I hated changing clothes so much (one outfit for the whole day would do just fine) but I didn't have a choice.

Turning out of my room, I walked out into the hallway and headed towards the shared bathroom at the end of the hall. I always made a point to keep my steps quick since Anberlin and I liked to shower in the morning and would often race to see who would get there first. For two weeks in a row, she had beaten me and use up all the hot water, but today I would get my chance at a nice hot shower. I was no less than two feet away from it, my fingers barely grazing over the knob, when a blur whizzed past me and flung open the door.

"Beat ya!" Anberlin called as she slammed the door in my face, promptly locking it.

The color drained from my face and irritation flared up in my body. "This isn't fair, Annie!" I howled, pounding my fist against the door. "I have to go to work!"

"And I have to go to school," she shot back. "Just go use Mom and Dad's bathroom. It's always free."

I recoiled and shrunk away from the door. I never told anyone how I felt about going into that room and I wasn't going to start now. I decided to try harder to get my shower. "You know the water doesn't work when used at the same time," I argued weakly. It was a total lie, but real enough to be legit. "I'm giving you ten minutes and if you're not out I'm shutting off the water."

She snorted. "You're bluffing." The water turned on.

"Am I?" Turning on my heel, I passed Alyssa in the kitchen and headed straight for the garage. In the corner of the garage was a box that housed all of the switches for the water, gas, electricity and the like. It came in very hand in times like this. Pulling open the box, I located the strip of tape labeled "water" next to the switch. I grinned. "This ought to fix her wagon." With that, the switch flicked off.

The water heater in the garage groaned before clamping and shutting off. Promptly, a cry rocked through the house.

"NATSUKI!"

I couldn't help but smile.

The garage door opened in a flourish and there stood Anberlin, wrapped in a towel, drenched, and fuming. She glared at me a moment, a tight frown on her lips, but it did nothing to faze me. I had gotten used to her teenage attitude long ago.

"Fine, ten minutes," she grumbled. "Just turn on the water. I'm freezing." Se disappeared back into the house, racing to the bathroom.

I couldn't help but laugh. That was the maddest I had ever seen her over a petty thing and it was very amusing, just what I needed to start my day on a high note. I didn't like being cruel to my sister, but sometimes she needed to be reminded of just who it was that paid the bills in the house.

Flicking on the water again, the water heater gave another angry hiss before settling into its routine gurgles. closing the box, I headed back inside to wait by the bathroom door, counting down the minutes so that Anberlin wouldn't over and I had to turn off the water again. However, she seemed to have learned to her lesson rather quickly and like clockwork, after ten minutes she emerged with a sour look on her face.

"All yours," she grumbled, sulking past me on her way back to the room, promptly slamming the door.

"Thank you," I called back. Gathering up my uniform again, I went into the bathroom.

It was cleansed with a wall of warm steam from ceiling to floor, drenching me in one go. Water drops dripped from the ceiling and onto my head, reminding me of one of those wet saunas I sometimes say advertised on TV. The humidity hit me first and I struggled to take in a decent breath of air.

Closing the door behind me, I left it open a crack to allow the steam to escape so that the air would be more breathable. Shedding my clothes, I stepped into the shower and closed my eyes, allowing the hot water to rush down me and wipe away the previous day away from me. I loved this time of day, when I would be alone in this shower of warmth. It always comforted me.

While in my warm trance, I didn't notice the door opening and a figure slipping into the bathroom. I failed to pay attention and in one swift moment, I heard a giggle then the swirl of the toilet being flushed. Instantly, y eyes snapped open and I tried to get out of the shower as fast as I could, but it was too late. The water in the shower raised by several degrees and seared my back, causing me to cry out in pain.

Anberlin ran out of the bathroom, laughing.

Pressed against the farthest end of the shower, I cringed at the redness on my back. That was a terrible trick and I vowed that I would get her back: no more hot showers for her.

With my shower ruined, I washed quickly and turned off the water. Throwing on my uniform, I gave my hair a quick blow dry and pulled it back into a ponytail to keep it off my neck. Quickly brushing my teeth, I left the bathroom to get a quick bite to eat.

Anberlin and Alyssa were at the table, getting the final touches for school. Alyssa had already finished her breakfast and was washing her dishes in the sink while Anberlin was settling down to buttering a slice toast. She grinned upon seeing me. I could only glare.

"Hey, Natsuki. Have a nice shower?" Her tone was mocking.

"You're gonna get yours," I called back, making my way into the kitchen. "Mark my words, Annie, you're gonna get yours."

She snorted and bit into her toast, wiping crumbs from her lips. "Yeah right. Keep wishing."

Rolling my eyes, I turned away from her. She would get her just reward sooner or later, I would just need to find the right opportunity.

There was nothing in the fridge of interest, just what we had managed to not go through in the previous days. I reminded myself that I would need to go food shopping soon, but decided to put it off another day. There would be time for that later. Picking out a small pack of yogurt and some cheese, I leaned against the counter and enjoyed the rest of the morning before things started to take off. When life is busy, I can't help but enjoy the simple things.

"Do either of you have any tests coming up?" I asked. I always emphasized a good education and since I didn't go to college, I wanted to give them the greatest opportunity they could get.

"I have a spelling test," Alyssa said. She put her dishes in the drainer where we kept most of the dishes we washed until further use. We never did utilize the cabinets much. "It's really hard."

"Did you study?" I asked, munching on a cheese cube.

She nodded. "I tried to . . . but some are still a little hard." She looked up at me with her bold blue eyes. "How do you spell cat?"

I smiled. It was an easy word in my mind, but to a kindergardener it must have been a hard word. "Just do the best you can and if you still don't get it, we'll go over it when I get home." I turned my gaze to Anberlin, a frown on my face. "And what about you?"

She didn't pay any attention to me and I knew something was up. Avoiding eye contact was the worst thing she could have done.

"Anberlin?" I asked.

"What?" she replied with an attitude that screamed "get off my back".

"Do you have any tests today?" I repeated.

She huffed and rolled her eyes, a sure sign that she indeed had something but was refusing to tell me. "Maybe a math test," she finally said.

"And are you ready for it?" Anberlin had always had a bad relationship with math. Ever since she had started algebra in junior high she hadn't gotten anything more than a B.

"As ready as I'll ever be." She removed herself form the table and gathered up her bag slung on the back of the chair. It always concerned me how that bag was always nearly empty. "Alyssa, come on. Let's go."

"Have a good day, alright?" I called as they went towards the door. "Mai might be coming over to watch you two while I work tonight."

"Got it," Anberlin called back as she closed the door.

All of a sudden there I was, alone in the house just like I had been multiple times. I used to like being alone, but now . . . I don't know. To have no one talk or to even have a sound save for the soft munching of a cheese cube, it unnerved me. I finally had a glimpse into what isolation was like.

With a sigh I tossed the empty yogurt cup into the trash and dusted my hands free of cheese residue. Even though it was still early, I could go to work and in any case traffic might take up some of the time. Grabbing my house keys, I traveled into the garage and pulled out my bike. Since I didn't own a car and bus fare was a little expensive, I had to get a bike to get me places. It had its benefits though: it kept me in shape and I didn't have to pay for gas. The only downside was when I would get a flat tire or the chain would need cleaning. Bringing it into the house, I parked it by the door while I ran to get a bag with clothes for my second job. Slinging it onto my back, I opened the door and walked the bike outside. Locking up, I mounted the bike and pedaled off down the street.

Another day had begun.

* * *

The morning was as crisp as always with the sign peeking over the many buildings lining the streets and a fresh coating of dew on the sidewalk and windowpanes of the homes. I always liked riding to work so early in the morning, it made me feel so fresh, so alive.

The streets were swollen with people on their way to work or otherwise. Some were dressed in business suits while others were wrapped in plain clothes like myself. Each was doing a different activity like talking on the phone, listening to music, or just focused on their destination. It always irked me to see people talking on their phones while walking because they're not focused on anything else. So when people on bikes, like me, come their way they don't see us and get run over.

I stopped with a group of people at a crosswalk and steadied the bike until the light changed. I had always been claustrophobic and never liked really large crowds so close together. It makes me feel small and like I can't breathe, like I'm suffocating. So when the light finally changed, I couldn't pedal fast enough.

My first job was a popular coffee shop right at the center of town and with it being so popular, there was never a slow day. I was put on the morning shift which was always the busiest since everyone needed their morning coffee rush. Parking my bike into the bike rack, I chained it up before dashing into the shop.

The moment I stepped in, the shop was already in full swing. People were lined up to the door and the coffee was bubbling in the pots, the aroma warming my nose. The people behind the counter were rushing around trying to fulfill all orders before the customer got angry. In such a lucrative business, customer dissatisfaction was a big no.

Mai caught a glimpse of me from behind the counter. "Natsuki! Hurry up, we need your help."

"On my way." Pushing past the line of customers, I race towards the door that read "employees only" and disappeared behind it. Ending up behind the counter, I set my bag down in a safe place and immediately jumped into the fray. I had had this job for nearly two years so I knew how everything worked. Having worked in the same place so long, I got to know some of the regulars and what they ordered so as soon as I saw them come through the door, I already had their order brewing.

The morning rush lasted right up until midmorning when the pace began to slow to maybe three or four per half hour, which gave us just enough time to relax and ease into a pace. After handing one customer their order, I rested against the counter and looked at Mai, sighing. "What a morning."

"You're not kidding," Mai replied with a sigh of her own. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand. "I think this was one of the busier days. Glad you could make it on time."

"It wouldn't be very good if I didn't come on time. I need the money."

Mai frowned. She knew of my history and how tight finances were and always offered to help, but my pride would never let her which didn't make sense. If I had let her help out with money then maybe I could sleep easier at night.

"Are you sure I can't give you something to help pay the bills?" she asked. "Aren't you behind?"

"No," I instantly replied. "Everything's fine, I'm handling it." Truth be told I was running a little behind on gas and electricity and with all money being poured into that, that didn't leave much for water and food. And with Alyssa and Anberlin being in school and constantly needing supplies, it didn't help much either. Still, I put on a brave face. "Thanks for the concern though."

She sighed. Her heart was in the right place but my stubbornness always won out. "Alright, but if there's anything you need just ask. I'm always ready to help."

"Actually, could you watch Alyssa and Anberlin tonight?" I asked. "I need to work a shift at my second job and I won't be home until late." Even though Anberlin was old enough to look after herself and Alyssa, I didn't like them being alone for so long in the house.

Mai brightened. "Sure, I'll bring Takumi over and make some dinner. It's been a while since they've had my cooking and I'm sure they would like a nice hot meal."

I smiled. Mai was always such a good character and always there when I needed her. Alyssa and Anberlin always enjoyed her meals and they liked having the company of Mai's brother, Takumi. He was a good artist and would enjoy having him draw things for them.

"Thanks Mai, I owe you."

I tightened my ponytail to get ready to take on the next wave of customers.

"Anytime, Natsuki."

* * *

At around three in the afternoon, I booked out of my uniform and into some plain clothes to get to my second job. My shift started at four and since it was a little bit away, I needed to make good time.

Unchaining my bike, I jumped on and sped off. Pedaling was always the hardest thing to do and by the time I reached the first crosswalk my legs were burning. People were almost all the way across the street and the light was about to change but I told myself I would make it. Pumping my legs faster, I raced towards the crosswalk and was about to make it over to the other side when the light suddenly changed on me.

What happened next was a blur. All I could recall was the honk of a car horn, people yelling and a flash of yellow. The next thing I knew I was hit in the side with what felt like a sledgehammer and fell to the ground, hard. I was in a daze, but came to my senses not long after that. Sitting up, I pulled myself out from under a taxicab and cradled my head. A line of blood dripped from my forehead and scrapes lined my elbows and knees. I groaned.

Bystanders as well as the driver came over to check on me, helping me up and insisting I go to the hospital. I couldn't comprehend what they were saying, still in a daze and shock. I couldn't believe it; I got run over by a car. I was lucky I wasn't dead.

"Where's my bike?" I asked, looking around. "Where's my bike?" I spotted it not too far away . . . but I wasn't sure it was a bike anymore. The metal was twisted and crumpled like a pretzel and one of the wheels had completely popped off. The handlebars had been ripped apart and the chain had broken. There would be no way I would ever use it again.

I swore, now I was going to be late.

"Crap!" Breaking past the lines of people, I raced as fast as i could down the street. It was a little difficult seeing as how I had so many scrapes and cuts and I had twisted my ankle, but I wouldn't let anything hold me back. Getting to this job was my best priority.

"You need to get to a hospital!" I heard people say behind me, but I ignored them. They didn't understand that I needed to get to work (not to mention I couldn't afford a hospital).

With my injuries and the distance, I made it to work an hour and a half late. As soon as I walked into the store I knew I was in trouble. I had been late before because of family emergencies with Alyssa and Anberlin and had been warned that the next time I was late I would be fired . . . well that was this time.

Immediately I was called into the manager's office and the manager, an empty shell of a man, wouldn't take any excuses. Even with all of the injuries to prove it, he claimed he had seen his fair share of fake injury make up and wouldn't be falling for any of my tricks. I tried to explain (rather angrily) that this wasn't a trick and that I had been hit by a car, but he wouldn't hear any of it.

I was fired.

Never before had I felt so devastated and I stormed out, feeling worse than any physical injury could make me feel.

* * *

Since I didn't have anywhere else to go, I walked back home. The normally half hour trip by bike took me an hour and a half by foot and with my injuries it slowed me even more. While walking all I could think about was how to get more money. The one job wasn't enough and with the other one I had it was barely making ends meet. Now that I only had that one job left, I wouldn't be able to make payments and that would put Alyssa, Anberlin and me in an even worse situation.

We could potentially lose the house and have nowhere to go. I could lose my sisters to foster care, since they were underaged and I wouldn't know what to do then. I would be a failure to Dad for not being able to take care of them when I promised I would and it would prove to my mother what she thought I was: a failure. I stopped by a crosswalk, hands in my pockets as I sulked. I could lose everything.

"No," I muttered shaking my head. I was only psyching myself out with possibilities of what could happen. The game still wasn't over yet and I could still look for more work . . . I just needed to look in the right places. I could still make Dad proud of me, n matter what it took.

The last stretch of sidewalk home was even slower than the whole trip. I didn't want to worry my sisters about the job situation, so I spent time perfecting my poker face. I had to be brave for them, I had to reassure them that nothing was lost yet.

Putting the key in the door, I opened it up and was instantly met with the scent of Mai's cooking, and from the smell of it it was spaghetti. My mouth watered and I couldn't shut the door fast enough before I got in. "I'm home."

The whole party looked up.

"Natsuki, you're home early," Mai said as she finished tasting a bit of spaghetti sauce. "I thought you'd be home late."

"Well turns out the shop didn't need my help today." When I stepped into the kitchen there was an immediate uproar.

"What happened to you?" Mai came over with a wet rag and pressed it to the dried blood on my forehead. Even Anberlin and Alyssa seemed concerned. "And where's your bike?"

I cursed. I should have had enough sense to try to clean myself up before I came in the house. I sighed. "I was hit by a taxi on my way to the second job. It totaled my bike."

"Are you okay?" Mai asked again. "Is anything broken?"

"Yeah I'm fine," I waved. "Just a few scrapes." I enjoyed all of the attention, I hadn't been the center of attention for a long time and I soaked it in like a sponge.

Mai wasn't convinced, but the way she looked at me said that she wasn't overly concerned. I was alive and had walked all the way home, so that meant I was okay. "Alright, go wash up and dinner will be ready soon."

I couldn't help but smirk. Mai acted like such a mother sometimes, but I didn't mind. There were even times I wished she was my mother, as odd as that sounds. "Yes, ma'am." Before she could make a comment about that, I dashed off to the shower.

After washing the blood away and putting on a fresh pair of clothes, I came back out just as dinner was being served. We all had healthy portions and I was glad that Mai knew how to cook so well. I really needed a good meal after a long and disappointing day. With all of us sitting down at the table, we dug in and spilled the events of the day. I kept mine at a bare minimum, coming up with details if needed be. I was still determined to keep my firing a secret.

"Natsuki! Guess what? I spelled 'cat' right!" Alyssa beamed.

I couldn't help but smile. "Good job. See, I knew you could do it." It was just the news I needed. I then looked to Anberlin who ate her meal quietly. "And what about you?"

"I don't get the score back for a couple days," she replied, taking a swig of water. "I'll let you know." She then faded out after that but automatically I knew she didn't do too well.

"Alright." Munching down on my food, I thought more about how I was going to make more money and finding another job . . . and another bike. I couldn't afford another so I would have to walk or run to make better time. Still, despite my anxieties, I couldn't focus on that right now. All I could think about was spending time with my family and friends and soaking in the peace and . . . normality of the moment. This was just the kind of relaxation I needed.

Once dinner was done, Mai and I packed up the leftovers for the next day's dinner. Alyssa was watching Takumi draw and Anberlin got busy with what was left of her homework. While Mai and I cleaned up the kitchen I took that as the perfect opportunity to talk with her.

"Truth be told, Mai," I whispered, "I got fired from my job."

She whirled on me, but kept her voice low. "What? Why?"

"I showed up late again, so I was fired." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "I don't know what I'm going to do . . . I was hardly making ends meet as it was." My eyes drifted to a calendar on the wall and I groaned. "And I have a court date tomorrow. I completely forgot!"

Mai frowned and seemed to think something over before reaching into her shirt, right between her breasts, and pulling out a couple of bills. She handed them to me. "Here."

I shook my head. "No. You know I don't accept handouts." Though I was really tempted to take the money. There must have been a hundred dollars there!

"Just take it," she whispered stubbornly. "It'll help make it through the week until you find another job and help pay for a lawyer. And I'll come over and cook to give you guys food." She smiled warmly. "You're not going to drown, Natsuki. I won't let you."

I didn't know how else to thank her. I don't know what I would have done without Mai in my life . . . she was only one of a few things in my life I was thankful for.

"Thank you. I don't know who else to repay you."

She smiled. "Anytime Natsuki. Just keep yourself out of trouble, that's all you can do to repay me."

* * *

**Another chapter! Yeah!**

**Thank you all to who have commented/alerted/faved. I didn't think it would take off so good. Your support means a lot to me. Thank you.**

**Important info:  
Natsuki: 21  
Anberlin: 16  
Alyssa: 4  
I did math calculations from the last chapter so that I could be accurate because I'm a stickler for accuracies and details!**

**This chapter was meant to be a sort of outline as to what daily life is like for Natsuki, Annie, and Alyssa now that they're on their own. As you can see, it's a little hard and of course Mai's there to help out. She's such a good friend!**

**Oh! What's this? A court date? Get ready for some drama and a first-encounter with a very lovely lady. Fate is about to be changed!**

**Chapter Theme: Struggle No More by Anthony Hamilton**

Ooh I'm Ooh I'm (sick and tired sick and tired) Ooh I'm  
Ooh I'm Ooh I'm (sick and tired sick and tired) Ooh I'm  
Ooh I'm Ooh I'm (sick and tired sick and tired) Ooh I'm  
Ooh I'm Ooh I'm (sick and tired sick and tired) Ooh I'm

Well...

Lately It's been hard times  
I'm talking about them  
Financial sides  
(It's rough out here, son)  
And they say when it rains it pours  
Well it's flooded at my door  
If it ain't one thang (one thang) it's another  
And I'm so glad that we got each other  
I'm so sick and tired of being stressed out  
Lord please, Lord please help me from this mess I'm in

Lord lift me over the hurt and pain  
Deliver me from the rain  
See I don't wanna stress over stress no more  
I don't wanna strug-gle no more  
So lift me up over the hurt and pain  
Deliver me from the rain  
See I don't wanna stress over stress no more  
I don't wanna strug-gle no more

Every day and every night I pray  
Lord help me find a way (help me find my way)  
To stay strong  
And to keep my sanity  
So I can provide for myself  
And for my family  
I'm so glad they believe in me cause the love it gives me energy (see the love gives me energy)  
And with out them I couldn't make it no way  
So I'ma keep pressing on on and on, on and on

Lord lift me over the hurt and pain  
Deliver me from the rain  
See I don't wanna stress over stress no more  
I don't wanna struggle no more  
So lift me up over the hurt and pain  
Deliver me from the rain  
See I don't wanna stress over stress no more  
I don't wanna struggle no more

I wanna see my family  
Get what they want have what they need  
(I want a scene with the finer things like the drop and the watches reminding me)  
I don't wanna strug-struggle no more  
I don't wanna live out here broke  
(Stay on the scene with the finer things, like the spot that I got that's reminding me)

Lord lift me over the hurt and pain  
Deliver me from the rain  
See I don't wanna stress over stress no more  
I don't wanna struggle no more  
So lift me up over the hurt and pain  
Deliver me from the rain  
See I don't wanna stress over stress no more  
I don't wanna struggle no more

No more(3x)  
No more(3x)  
No more(3x) (I wanna give my kids the best, I shouldn't have to settle)  
No more no more no more (nooooooooo)


	3. The Lawyer with the Crimson Eyes

**Well, as promised, here is the next chapter within the week. I asked for 10 reviews for the next update, and you all gave me 16. How generous! Thank you all very much.  
**

**The last chapter was mainly about how daily life was for them now that they were on their own and I wasn't too happy with it, but it was okay. It got no flames so that was a plus!  
**

**Man, all of you want Shizuru huh? Well, she is in this chapter. ****I don't plan on this one being very long, so we'll see what happens. **

**Enjoy. **

* * *

Early morning settled as a grayness over the land, wetting the landscape in a fresh mist of dew. The sun hadn't risen fully yet and the sky was gray-pink color. Light birdsong flitted through the air to welcome the coming of daylight before it arrived, like a herald would call for his king. Very few people were awake to see this tender awakening of dawn, but there was one who was.

I leaned against the window, head pressed against the glass, and stared out into the world. I had been there a long time, simply staring at my reflection against the glass and the dark spots of the birds shooting through the air. From all that had happened the day before I couldn't get any sleep and had decided to occupy my mind with something so I made myself comfortable and stared out the window.

Still, no matter how long I stared outside and watched it turn from night to dawn, no matter how long I stayed up and stared at the stars, I couldn't shake away my problems. The thought of having one job still lingered strong within me, stressing me out in even more until it settled like a stiffness in my back. Even though I had Mai's help, it still wouldn't be enough. I had to do something quickly or else I would drown, and not just me but Alyssa and Anberlin as well.

I sighed, breath fogging up the glass of the window and smothering my reflection in a misty, white cloud. If only there was a way to make problems disappear with a flick of the wrist or a snap of the fingers. If that were possible then everything that I had tried so hard to achieve would be mine. I would be able to keep the house and my sisters with and give them a better life than this. If only . . . miracles did happen.

The alarm in my room began to blare and I closed my eyes. Another day had snuck up on me and I was far from ready for it. The court date was scheduled for later that morning and I had nothing to stand on. This trial would be the deciding factors of if I would be allowed to still keep my sisters . . . or they would be taken away indefinitely. It had been a hearing I dreaded for a long time and there was no way I would be brave enough to face it . . . but I had to. I had rebuked my privilege to run away when I had decided to step up and be an adult. I wasn't a child anymore.

Tearing away from the window, I half-heartedly made my way down the hall and into Anberlin's room.

Another day.

* * *

Breathing in deeply the rich aroma of coffee beans and vanilla extract, I tried to calm my nerves. My head rested in my hands as I leaned against the counter, trying to escape the fact that I had a trial in an hour. But not even the friendly chatter of the customers nor the warmth of the flowing coffee could ease my tension. By the end of the day my world could ultimately shift for the worse . . . again.

Mai interacted with her last customer before coming over to me. "Natsuki, you need to relax. You're psyching yourself out."

I looked up, exhausted an drained. Suddenly, I became very aware of how tired I was from a night of no sleep. "I can't help it. What's going to happen? I could lose my sisters, Mai, then what am I going to do? They're the only reason why I've stuck it out so long. If they're gone . . ." I lowered my head. I couldn't even think of what I would do if I was left alone.

Mai gripped my shoulders tightly and tugged me into a more private part of the shop where we could talk. She had Midori, a fiery aspiring actress, cover for us while we conversed. Placing me against the wall, Mai looked at me with stern, amethyst eyes. "Stop it," she ordered. "You're not going to lose them. You deserve to have your sisters with you no matter what. You take care of them and provide for them no matter what sacrifices you have to make."

I groaned. While all of that was very heart-warming and what I needed to hear, it did little to make me feel better. "The court doesn't care about sacrifice, Mai. All that matters is who makes a stronger case." I sat down backwards on a stool, forehead pressed against the steel back. "All I have is a pity case with no strong evidence . . . I don't even have a lawyer."

My long-term friend nearly lost it. Her eyebrows shot to her head and she stared down at me. "What do you mean 'you don't have a lawyer'? That's the first thing you should have done! You've had, what? A month to prepare for this?"

A frustrated sigh escaped me. I needed someone to confide in, not someone to yell at me for being forgetful and stupid and my anger boiled over. "I wasn't think about a damn lawyer!" I howled, shooting up from my seat to bear down upon her. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. "I had money to earn, I had food to put on the table! That was my main concern, Mai! I wasn't thinking about anything else. If I needed someone to tell me how stupid I am, I would have just stayed with my mother!"

I paused, suddenly very aware of what I had said and how I said it. Just because I was upset didn't give me the right to go off on Mai. She was the only person who was willing to help. I sat back down and hung my head in shame.

"Mai . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell, I just . . ." I shut up. There was no excuse for how aggressive I was.

Calming her breathing, Mai kept a safe distance. I didn't blame her. I would be scared if someone went off on me like that too. "Natsuki . . ."

"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "That's been in there a long time."

"Are you sure you're okay to go to court?" she asked in a concerned voice. "It's going to need all of your concentration and if you're tired then -"

"I'm fine," I insisted, voice a little harsher than what I would have liked it to be. Taking in a deep breath, I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I realized that it could have used a good washing, and my clothes were a little worse for wear. I was in no position to go to court . . . and win. "I just . . . I need it all to stop . . ."

Mai finally gathered up the courage and approached me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You're not alone in this, Natsuki. You have me and your sisters. We'll all be there for you. As I said yesterday you won't fall."

A smile couldn't help but touch my lips. Those words always brought comfort to me, and I would never get tired of hearing them. In all of the crap that had polluted my world, those words were the only goodness I had, the only insurance I could afford.

"Thank you, thanks for saying those words. I really needed to hear them."

Mai smiled back at me and nodded, removing her hand to clutch her hips. "Now, pull yourself together and clean up good. Can't have you going to court looking like that."

The smile grew into a smirk and I raised myself to my full height, smoothing out my shirt. Combing my fingers through my hair, I pulled it back into a ponytail like I normally did whenever it needed to be washed. "But I don't have a lawyer. How am I going to go to court without a lawyer?"

"You let me take care of that," Mai insisted with a wink. "And the money I gave you to pay for one, you can just keep that. I'll pay for it."

"No, you don't have to do that," I moaned. I was never one to let others do anything for me. It always made me feel guilty.

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. You deserve this, Natsuki. It's my gift to you."

I was reluctant to accept that as an answer. If I deserved it then everything that had happened in my life I deserved which did nothing to improve my confidence. I couldn't imagine what I did to deserve that lifestyle I was living, but it must have been something horrible. Still, a lawyer was what I really needed and if I didn't have to pay for one, that made it all the better. Perhaps there was a silver lining to every cloud, no matter how dark they are.

"Thank you," I said again, a large grin on my face. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Mai could only beam.

* * *

The courthouse was on the other side of town from my job so I had no choice but to take a bus. It wasn't something I normally did, since I would have either walked or used my bike (which I still needed to get replace), but since I was pressed for time I didn't have much of a choice.

Digging into my pocket, I put in the exact change needed and took a seat near the middle so I could stare out of the window. For some reason whenever I looked out of the window, it gave me a sense of calm. Watching the people go by in a whir of speed, it really put "watching life pass by" in perspective.

I would often wonder what kind of lives each of the people were leading, what hardships they had to endure and what blessings. I imaged that all of them had better luck than me: a home, no debt, a family, love - all of the things I craved. It had always been a secret wish of mine what life would be like if I could step into another person's shoes, a more fortunate person, and taste the splendor of life rather than the tragedy. In all the years since Dad passed, I had survived but never really lived.

The bus stopped at another stop and when two men stepped on, I immediately shrunk back, turning my head so that they wouldn't recognize me as they passed to the back of the bus. Reito Kanzaki and Tate Yuuichi, two cohorts of Nao, were some of the most notorious narcotic dealers in Fuuka. Reito was the more docile one, allowing negotiations before he brought the hammer down, literally. Tate was a bum that would hang back, but when a fight was brewing he was usually the first one swinging. My heart hammered as they approached me and in my mind I could imagine them seeing me and jumping me. I would surely die if they caught me. If there was one rule I remembered from my days under Nao, it was that if you defected from the game, you died. I only relaxed when they found seats and sat down, talking in quiet whispers to themselves.

The energy left my body in one big wave and I couldn't help but slump down in my seat, eyes glued to their reflections in the window glass. Not once did I allow them out of my sight through the whole bus ride, hoping against hope that they would not recognize me.

It felt like forever until the bus finally arrived at the stop just down the street from the courthouse. Before it even stopped, I jumped up from my seat and raced down the isle towards the doors. My eyes were focused just on the doors and the sidewalk outside, never once looking back to see if Reito or Tate were following me. I jumped from the steps of the bus and landed heavily on the sidewalk, losing my balance and tumbling to the ground. My eyes were glued to the bus as it began to pull away from the stop, and I was stunned that they didn't notice I had gotten up in a rather conspicuous manner. Perhaps my lucky stars were shining down upon me.

Picking myself up from the street, I dusted my jeans and turned to hurry down the street. From the time I saw on the bus, I had ten minutes to hustle into court and get myself ready. Kicking my legs faster, I made it to the large courthouse and jumped up the many marble steps. My heart was pounding and the muscles burned in my legs and arms as sweat beaded on my face. My respectable image was fading, but I couldn't focus on that. All that mattered was I make it on time.

Passing into the building, I noticed the air conditioner was on which helped to cool some of the sweat. The soles of my shoes hammered hard upon the marble floor as I passed through a hallway, glancing at all the doors to see which one my case was in. My hope faded as I passed more doors without any indication, thinking I had missed my chance. If I wasn't going to have a fair trial, then I seriously wouldn't know what to do.

Salvation came in the form a black sign with white letters written upon it: Case 205: Kuga versus Thompson. A smile creased my face and a large sigh was forced from my lungs. I hadn't missed my chance! Taking another calming breath, I walked up to the doors and pushed them open.

The courtroom was nearly empty save for a couple of people that I didn't know. They all stared at me as I walked down the isle towards the stand, moving off to the side to stand by myself in the defendant part of the court. I glanced to my right and bristled, all stress flooding into me. My chest began to get tight and it made breathing difficult as well as a numbing pain in the middle of my back. A mirror image of myself looked back at me without any warmth or kindness, peering through the frames of her large glasses.

It was the first time in four years I had seen my mother and all of the animosity that had brewed from her leaving began to boil inside me like lava. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, to do to her, but I held myself back. Any mistake in this court would seal my fate and I would never win. Beside her stood one of the topmost lawyers in the city. I recognized him from all of the fancy commercials he had on the TV. Only the rich of the rich could afford him and I felt my courage began to dwindle. I was nothing compared to a big bulldog like him.

The judge called the court to order and shifted through a few papers on her desk. Adjusting her glasses, she picked up a paper. "Saeko Thompson, you're suing your daughter Natsuki Kuga for custody of your two other daughters, Anberlin Kuga and Alyssa Thompson."

My mother nodded. "That is correct."

I couldn't help but growl. She didn't even want her kids and now all of a sudden she decided to take them back? It baffled me and I couldn't help but wonder what other motive she had for getting them back.

"And on what grounds are you pushing for custody?" she asked.

"Child abuse and neglect," the lawyer replied. "We have evidence to believe that the defendant Natsuki Kuga has refused to pay for substantial food and housing and has repeatedly left a minor alone in the house for several hours without any way of providing for herself."

"That's not true!" I piped, no longer able to hold my tongue. "I've never abused my sisters. They're good kids."

"Ms. Kuga," the judge said, looking to me, "please refrain from making any comments unless permitted to do so."

The tense muscle in my back stiffened even more and I felt the urge to say something mounting in the back of my throat. I wanted so badly to say that they were wrong, that I had done nothing to wrong to my sisters, but I needed to play by their rules. Taking a step back, I quieted my voice. "Yes, ma'am."

She nodded then turned fully to me. "Now, Ms. Kuga, I see that you'll be representing yourself in this case. You have been charged with child abuse and neglect, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty," I instantly said then paused when she said I would be representing myself. There had to have been some mistake. "No, I'm not representing myself. I have a lawyer that's coming soon and -"

"Ms. Kuga unless you have a lawyer present at this moment then you are hereby representing yourself in this matter," the judge explained. "I am very busy and have other cases to get to and cannot wait on a lawyer to arrive."

The blood froze in my veins. Mai had promised she would get me a lawyer and I believed her, but since one wasn't here I began to think that after all these years . . . Mai had actually lied to me. My trust in my lifelong friend was shattered into a million pieces.

"No, Your Honor just wait a little bit longer," I insisted. "I'm sure someone will come."

"You're not getting me, Ms. Kuga," the judge repeated, "I cannot wait for someone to come in. If you can't afford a lawyer then you hold have taken it up with the court to provide one for you. If you can't meet any of the requirements for trial, then I will have no choice but to favor Mrs. Thompson's stand in the matter."

My knees began to tremble upon hearing all of these technicalities. I wasn't as prepared as I had thought. In my ear, I could hear my mother smirking, savoring her imminent victory over me. However, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of giving in so easily. I would keep fighting.

"Your Honor please," I begged, something my pride wasn't beyond. Desperate times called for desperate measures. "I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Everything is falling down around me and my sisters are all I have. I have waited so long to get a fair trial and if you wait a little longer then I'm sure someone will come to represent me."

She wasn't buying my sob story. "I'm sorry, but the law is the law. Now if nothing else will come up, then I have no other option but to side -"

The doors swung open suddenly, causing all of us to look back.

That was the first time I saw her.

"Sorry I'm late," Shizuru Viola called as she hurried down the isle. "I would have gotten here sooner had I not been caught u with another case."

The judge looked dumbfounded. "Shizuru?"

"How are you doing, Judge April?" Shizuru asked casually as she came to stand beside me, placing a briefcase down upon the table.

With her beside me, I was able to get a good look at her. She was a very beautiful woman of average height, perhaps an inch or two above. She was dressed in a black pinstripe vest with a wine-colored dress shirt beneath as well as a black pencil skirt, pantyhose and heels. Her long tawny hair fell in waves down her shoulders, stopping at her upper back while bangs hung just above her eyes. The deepest crimson eyes stuck out from beneath those bangs and for a moment I had to wonder if they even contacts. They looked so natural . . . yet unnatural at the same time. Her skin was smooth without blemish or flaw, as if it had been carved from the finest ivory the world had to offer. And when she spoke it was with an accent that could only be described as a Southerner from the States. She was beautiful, exotic and my lawyer.

"Cutting it a little close aren't you?" Judge April asked. "I was about to decide a verdict until you showed up."

"That won't be necessary Your Honor since I will furthermore be representing Ms. Kuga until this case is through," Shizuru said professionally as she retained a calm demeanor. "Now, as I understand it, my client is being accused of child abuse and neglect and Mrs. Thompson is pushing for permanent custody. Under what evidence is this proved?"

"We have witness testimony that they have seen Alyssa Thompson home alone as well as with a strange orange-haired woman whom the witness cannot identify," my mother's lawyer stated, pulling documents out of his briefcase.

"Which witnesses would this be now?" Shizuru asked.

He hesitated for a moment before answering, something I found interesting. "Surrounding neighbors have reported -"

"Are you able to identify these -?" Shizuru began.

"Ms. Viola, I'll ask the questions from now on," April said, effectively shutting Shizuru up. "Now, are you able to identify these witness and call them to the stand currently?" Shizuru smirked and gave a small chuckle, as if she had just heard a joke.

Once ore he stopped. "Well, they are currently unavailable as their jobs don't allow -"

"So you don't have any witnesses who will claim that child abuse and neglect have been taking place in the Kuga residence?" April asked, sitting back in her chair as if this whole case was a big joke.

"We didn't necessarily say-" the bumbling lawyer started.

"I'll take that as a no," Judge April decided. "Until the plaintiff can produce plausible and substantial evidence that such reports of neglect are valid, I'm deeming this case suspended for two weeks. Court date is set for the Thursday after next. Court dismissed."

"Excuse me, Your Honor," Shizuru spoke up. "In the meantime the defense requests that full custody be given to Ms. Kuga until further notice."

"Request granted." April slammed her gavel down upon the desk.

I couldn't stop a large smile from spreading across my face, elation surging through me like a drug. There was no describing such a powerful feeling, such joy that I had to catch myself from falling to my knees. I had full custody of my sisters and wasn't going to prison on a child abuse charge and I had a good lawyer. Things were finally looking up.

My mother came over to me, glaring daggers. Too high from my happiness, I paid her little attention. "This isn't over," she hissed. "I will get my daughters back."

My mood dampened and I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "You don't even want your kids, why are you coming after them now?"

"Natsuki, you don't have to say another word," Shizuru informed me.

"Don't speak for her," my mother told Shizuru, pointing a finger in her face. "She wants to be an adult then she's going to fight her battles like an adult." Her poisonous emerald gaze turned to me. "One way or another I will get my kids. This is far from over." With that she met her husband in the isle and left with him, stealing a glance back to me.

So badly did I want to run after her and sock it to her, give her exactly what she deserved but something held me back. She wasn't worth the energy. With a huge sigh, I looked to Shizuru and smiled, thankful that she had come to my rescue just in time.

"Thank you so much. I thought I was a goner back there." I moved to let myself out into the isle.

Shizuru smiled pleasantly and nodded, following me out. "It's no trouble. It was rather last minute actually. I had come from a narcotics court case representing the people. I had to make it quick if I was going to come here."

A chill ran up my spine at the mention of narcotics and Reito and Tate's faces came into mind. Once again I was reminded how lucky I was to have escaped them. "I see . . . It's a good thing you came while you did." I frowned. "Hey, how you can be a lawyer for narcotics and family court?"

"Well, you're really not supposed to, but let's say I worked very hard." We both left the courtroom abreast, keeping alongside one another in the rush of people traveling to and from court.

"I see. So, did Mai send you?" I asked, thinking she was the person Mai had called up last minute.

Shizuru nodded. "Yes, she and I are old friends and she asked me for a favor. Something about bailing out a cute little kid who was caught between a rock and a hard place."

I pouted. "I am not cute, or a little kid," I argued back. That always seemed to rub me the wrong way, people thinking I was just some kid who didn't know what she was doing.

The lawyer chuckled to herself, a light soft sound, like a whisper meant only for certain ears. "Just kidding, but she said that you needed serious help so I told her that I would do what I could."

I was impressed. "Wow, thanks. I appreciate it."

"Anytime."

We both stopped in the lobby of the courthouse and stared at one another, as if unsure what to say to the other at this point. Clearing my throat, I said, "Well I had better get going. I need to pick up my sisters after school today."

Shizuru nodded. "Alright, I have another case coming up soon. How about tomorrow we do lunch and I can catch you up on all you need to know about what you're going to expect for the case?"

I blinked. Was it normally for attorneys and clients to have lunch together? I mean sure it was to discuss legal matters, but still. "Uh, I actually can't. I'm working a double shift and can't make it."

"Oh." Shizuru seemed a little disappointed. "Well, how about the day after and we don't even have to have lunch. You can just swing by the firm and we can discuss what we need to then?"

I thought a moment. That sounded a little more professional than meeting up for lunch and I wasn't exactly doing anything the day after anyways. "Alright, that sounds good."

"Great." Shizuru dug into her briefcase and handed me a card. "Here's my business card. It has the address and a number in case things change."

I looked the card over. The firm was close to where I lived, which made things much easier. I smiled and stuffed it into my pocket. "Great, thanks." My fingers brushed over the wad of bills that Mai had given me the day before. She had told me to keep it for other things, but I didn't feel right about having someone else pay for my problems. It wasn't fair. "Here." I handed them to her. "It's probably not enough to cover your costs, but it's all I have and I can get more to give you later -"

"No need." Shizuru folded the bills back up and pushed them into my palm. "Keep it."

I blinked. "I don't understand."

"I promised I would do this as a favor to a friend," she explained. "This one's on the house." She gave me a bright smile when my jaw dropped.

"A-Are you serious?" I asked, shellshocked. There had to be some catch. No one just did this for old friends!

"As a heart attack," she replied, "and let's hope neither of us have one. Really Natsuki you're going through a tough time and it wouldn't help if I sucked away all your money would it?" When I nodded, she copied my movements. "Good, then we have an understanding." She reached out and we shook hands. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Ms. Kuga. Mai speaks very highly of you."

I shook her hand firmly. Her skin was so soft! "Thanks."

"No problem. Drop by around two or so, I'll just be going on break and a client cancelled on me so we'll have more time." As she pulled away, her finger tickled my palm gently, sending a chill throughout my spine. I pulled my hand back as if I had been bitten. Shizuru paid no heed to my behavior. "Goodbye Ms. Kuga. Take care of yourself."

I watched her turn and leave, holding my tickled hand back in case she would reach for it again.

That was the first time I had encountered Shizuru Viola. I had been ecstatic when she came to my rescue at such short notice, but had I known what I know about her now, I would have turned her away and just represented myself. By the end of the court case, I would truly know what betrayal and heartbreak meant.

* * *

**I know this was late and I'm sorry! I had a lot of things going on last week with my birthday and all so I didn't have time to write. Not to mention my muse went out the window, so I was completely brain dead for a while.**

**Length wise this chapter was a little shorter than the last one so, I hope no one minds. **

**Well! Another chapter down and look! Shizuru's here to throw monkey wrenches in things! Woo!**

**I have no clue how court systems work so I was just throwing random crap out there in the hopes of it sounding legit. Hopefully I didn't butcher the legal system too bad.**

**Chapter song: Empire State of Mind Part II by Alicia Keys  
(Has nothing to do with the chapter but I really like the song XD) **


	4. Haunting Past

**Yes, the long awaited update after so many months of waiting. I'm not going to try to make excuses for why this is so incredibly late. I just hope it's up to everyone's expectations.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

When Shizuru left I lingered a little while longer. I had worked it out with my manager at the coffee shop to take the afternoon off and Anberlin and Alyssa wouldn't get out of school for a few more hours. I had nowhere else to go. So, I decided to take another look of the courthouse.

Sticking my hands in my pockets, I walked down a lonely hall first, glancing from left to right and reading all of the different cases taking place. One was a dispute between a husband and wife, another a murder case. The pattern went like this for all of the signs I read and after the fifth or so sign, I had to turn back, unable to read any more.

It was a puzzling thing, all of the crimes that people had committed. What was it that made people turn to such drastic measures that destroyed their lives? Did they wish for misery that much or did they just not think they had any other choice?

I considered the divorce case and wondered what had happened to the couple that they would resort to such a drastic move. Did the husband abuse the wife or vice versa? Were they simply not getting along or did one commit an infidelity? I didn't know the answer, but at one point both of those people were in love. They had found each other and had married. They were probably happy, but for some reason that happiness didn't last long.

Stopping in midstride in the middle of the hall, I drew a sigh. Was it just possible that happiness didn't exist, or that it was so fleeting and rare a thing it was only given to those who deserved it? I thought the latter part was true. I had had happiness at one point, but it slipped through my fingers and I had no way to get it back.

And in that moment I vowed that if I were ever lucky enough to find it again, I would cherish and hold onto that happiness for as long as I could. If ever a tender thing like love touched my heart, I would work my hardest to keep it, and not give up like the poor fools that emerged from the divorce court case. The woman was smug, grinning like a cat that had eaten a bird, while the man, a sorry soul with his shoulders slumped, drifted away in the other direction. I watched him as he slunk away, the weight of the world upon his shoulders. No, I would never be like that.

Walking a little further, a harsh yelling caught my attention from another room. Glancing at the sign, it was the murder case. Bangs and the sound of punches made me tense up, wondering what was going on. Me and the many lawyers and bystanders around me waited anxiously as the doors suddenly swung open and two beefy cops drug out an equally beefy, tattooed man into the hallway. The cops were struggling to get the man under control, the handcuffs barely able to restrain him.

Taking a step back to give a wide berth, I examined the tattooed criminal thoroughly. He indeed was beefy with thick rippling muscles the size of anacondas. If he punched a building, I bet it would fall down without a second's hesitation. Every inch of him was smothered in tattoos, very little natural skin showing, and each tattoo was a symbol of death and destruction, markings of evil that left me shivering. Yet the one tattoo I recognized clearly was the crystalline blue teardrop beneath his left eye – the mark of a killer.

His narrow eyes flicked around wildly and settled upon me and I froze, my feet sticking to the ground as if the soles of my shoes had melted. I couldn't move a muscle or even think straight. All I could do was look into those soulless eyes that would enjoy nothing more than to see me dead upon the floor.

More officers flooded the hallway and surrounded the tattooed man, taking hold of him and doing all they could to keep him under control as they shuffled in large group towards the exit. The man was yelling, screaming, and throwing curses at all in his path.

It was only after they had left did I feel like I could move again. Never before had I looked into a demon's face and it scared the life out of me.

Running feet pounded away at the floor along with a set of squeaking wheels. A team of paramedics rushed towards the room with the utmost haste, disappearing behind the doors and everyone in the hall swarmed in to take a better look, myself included.

It was difficult to see what had happened with so many bodies, but it was obvious someone had gotten hurt badly. The medics worked fast and they raised a body upon the gurney. It was difficult to see clearly what they were doing, but the one thing I could make out was the distinct dark sight, and coppery smell, of blood.

"Move out of the way!" a boisterous blonde officer called. She emerged from within the courtroom, waving her hand about to banish people from the door to make way for the medics. "This is a crime scene."

"Officer Armitage," I called, suddenly recognizing her voice (not that I could ever forget it). Officer Haruka Armitage had been one of the police that helped me get my life on track when I left Nao.

Haruka glanced over her shoulder. "What're you doing here, Kuga?" she asked, blonde brows crunched together. "I thought your court days were over."

"As much as I'd like them to be, no," I replied.

Drawing up to her side, I watched carefully as the medics rushed a man bleeding heavily from the chest into the hallway. Bloody gauze was pooled on his chest while a breathing mask was fit around his nose and mouth. His skin was deathly pale and I knew he wasn't going to make it. Death was too strong on him.

"What happened?" I asked. My eyes never left the helpless man even as he disappeared around a corner.

Sighing heavily, Haruka placed her hands upon her hips. "We were in the middle of a trial and all of a sudden the accused decided to pull a fast one," she explained. "Jackass thought he could silence the defendant for good."

A frown creased my lips. "Thought he could murder someone else huh? I read the sign outside the door," I explained before Haruka could question me.

"He probably wanted to go out with a bang, and he did. One of my officers got too close and he grabbed his gun. Bullets were flying everywhere. We were lucky only one person was hurt." Haruka shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "If this guy gets anything but the death penalty I'll stick the needle in myself."

Her attitude shifted and Haruka turned fully to me, eyes as hard as ever. "Why are you here? Last time I checked you cleaned up your act."

Quickly, I gave Haruka the run down of what had happened with my court case. I explained my mother's intentions to take my sisters away and Shizuru's sudden appearance.

Haruka whirled on me at the mention of Shizuru, her violet eyes bearing into mine. "Bubezuke was here?!" she seethed, drops of spit flecking my cheeks. "Why would let someone like her be your lawyer? Are you stilled hopped up on that Mary Blane or something?"

Taking a step back, I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve. "You mean Mary Jane," I corrected. "She was the only one I could find at such short notice and she seems pretty good." I raised a brow. "Why? Is there something I should be worried about?"

The blonde had a tight frown on her face, making her seem harsher than she normally was. "I wouldn't recommend someone like her," she explained. "Don't get me wrong, Bubezuke is a shark, but it's never a good idea to get close to someone like her." Her eyes gazed into mine purposefully. "Mark my words, Kuga. Keep everything strictly business."

I matched her frown in return. Shizuru seemed like a very good person who cared about helping me – she even offered her services for free! There was no reason for me not to trust her, but I heeded Officer Armitage's advice. Everything between Shizuru and me would be strictly business.

"Alright, I'll take your word for it," I said with a nod. "Do you think it'd be best if I just got another lawyer?"

Pursing her lips, Haruka cradled her chin between her thumb and the knuckle of her pointer finger, thinking. "Mmm . . . I would say yes, but you'd never find another like Bubezuke. She's tough, especially in family court involving children. In all my years as a bailiff, I've never seen another chew the court up and spit them out." She shook her head. "No, you're better off having her on your side."

My sprits soared with the information. If Shizuru was the bulldog Haruka said she was then perhaps I stood a chance against my mother and her bogus allegations. I could keep my sisters.

"Great. I don't want to go through the hassle of explaining my case to another bloodsucking lawyer anyhow."

Haruka nodded. "That's it. Just keep holding on and you'll beat that old hag mother of yours," she grinned, "if she can even be called a mother. You know if she left you alone when you were still a minor, she could have been charged with child indignant and negligee."

Blinking, I quirked a brow. "I think you mean endangerment and negligence." I sometimes wondered about Haruka and what went on her mind . . . if she even had much of a mind. "But thanks. Makes me feel so much better that I missed the chance to incarcerate my own mom." Even though she deserved it, I found it a little hard to picture her behind bars.

"It all happened in the past and there's nothing you can do to change it now," she stated matter-of-factly. "All you can do now is take it as it comes and be prepared to deal with it."

With a heavy sigh, she turned back to the courtroom where detectives and other officers were bys taking photographs and collecting witness testimonies. Haruka stretched her back and cracked her knuckles.

"You better get out of here, Kuga. I have a long night of work ahead of me and I don't need you getting in the way."

Without so much as a goodbye, she entered back into the room to talk with her officers about the crime and the best options to deal with it. All of them were tense and stressed, two things that I had come to expect from such a serious job as being a cop. It was amazing Officer Armitage was able to function as well as she could. Even though I considered myself tough, I would never have another night's sleep if I was witness to a brazen murder like this.

Turning on my heel, I headed back down the hall and away from the courtroom, the deadly scent of blood lingering in my nostrils.

* * *

The courthouse no longer held anything for me, so I ventured out into the street. It was a little warmer and I shrugged off the jacket around my shoulders, tossing it over my shoulder as I walked. The sun was shining brightly and it couldn't have been any later than two o'clock. I would need to go home soon to meet Anberlin and Alyssa and with a pocket swollen with change, I could afford to order some pizza for dinner.

Stepping down the street, I glanced up just in time to see a figure pass me by and for a moment time went in slow motion. A flash of striking red hair caught my eye first and it was as if I were transported back in time when I would hang out on street corners, pockets full of money and powder, and do the business of the streets.

My heart thundered in my chest and I swallowed hard, watching as Nao continued on her way with purpose, unheeding of my presence as if she hadn't seen me at all. I was half-expecting her to suddenly turn around and bury a bullet in my back, but as she kept walking I calmed down. That had been too close a call.

Nao continued down the street and turned a corner into an alleyway. From across the street, two boys Anberlin's age hurried across the way towards the alley. I didn't need to take a closer look to know what was going on. Nao was always looking for more members to join her side, the younger the better. They could be easily trained, she had said, and more loyal.

I had been one of those young ones she had tricked into coming under her wing. While she did give me everything I could ever want (money, clothes, good food, a place to crash when I didn't feel like going home) my will wasn't my own. I had to answer every beck and call Nao cast out and I had to do it her way, no exceptions. I was no better than a dog and those boys would be no different. I only hoped one or both of them would wise up and run while they still could, otherwise they would never be the same again. Some were lucky and got away from that life, but Nao was always on the lookout for them with the point of her gun. Even when you were free of that life, you could never find peace.

The boys emerged from the alleyway more than a little roughed up. Their clothes were ripped in some places and bruises condensed on their skins. One of them had even lost a tooth. I shook my head. They had gone through with it after all, there was no mistaking the initiation marks.

The taller of the boys reached out his hand and a new figure emerged halfway from the alleyway. The hood was drawn over the face for me to get a good look, but I could tell the person was female. She had a few curt words with the boys before shoving a couple small plastic bags into their hands. In return, the boys offered up a few bills before retreating back to the other street.

My blood boiled. Nao had sunk too far, giving narcotics to lost teenage kids who were only looking for a friend. She was a predator preying on the innocence of young kids, turning them into monsters that belonged only in nightmares.

"One day," I muttered. Nao and the hooded girl emerged from the alleyway to continue down the street, grinning like kings that ha conquered another kingdom. "One day, Nao, you're going to get yours. And I'll be there to witness it."

* * *

**Sometimes the shortest tales have the biggest impacts. **

**Well, that was fun chapter. I thought it would be a good idea if Natsuki faced a little bit of her past again to test if she truly moved on or felt some lingering loyalty to Nao. And what's this?! Who was the hooded girl? Dun dun duuuunn!**

**Next chapter will pick back up with Natsuki and Shizuru and hopefully the sparks will fly to kindle a small flame of love~ **

**Twice by Little Dragon (Natsuki and Nao theme) **

**Twice I turn my back on you  
I fell flat on my face but didn't loose  
Tell me where would I go  
Tell me what led you on I'd love to know**

**Was it the blue night**  
**Gone fragile**  
**Was it both men**  
**In wonder steady gone under**  
**Was it the light ways**  
**So frightening**  
**Was it two wills**  
**One mirror holding us dearer now**

**Thought I had an answer once**  
**But your random ways swept me along**  
**Colossal signs so I got lost**  
**With so many lovers singing soft**

**Was it the blue night**  
**Gone fragile**  
**Was it both men**  
**In wonder steady gone under**  
**Was it the light ways**  
**So frightening**  
**Was it two wills**  
**One mirror holding us dearer now**


	5. What Goes Down

**Sorry for the long wait, my muse has run out on me again. She's a tough one to tie down, going wherever the wind takes her -_- I finally cooked up another chapter and hopefully it meets most of your expectations. Let's see if we can squeeze some ShizNat action out of this, shall we?**

* * *

After the courthouse I went straight home to ponder what had happened. If I had any sense in me I would have just turned right around and informed Officer Armitage of Nao's illegal activity, but I knew better. Nao had some of the best lawyers in town and no matter how many complaints were filed against her; she always seemed to get off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist – if that!

And I knew what would happen if I did try to squeal. Nao didn't take kindly to rats and often had them taken care of the next day. There had been many news reports of people, mangled and broken in the most horrific ways, found in dumpsters and abandoned parking lots. Even though there was no concrete evidence that committed the murders, there was no denying it was Nao's handiwork. For the right price, Nao could make anyone disappear.

Many people talked about doing something about the violent activity, but it was just that: talk. People have tried all they could to corner Nao like a rat in a cage, but no matter what she always found a way out.

"Sooner or later Nao's going to make a mistake," I muttered beneath my breath, eyes focused ahead of me. "No one can remain immune to the law for this long."

It was a far-fetched fantasy, a pipe dream, but I hoped to whatever God was in heaven that Nao would be caught and this nightmare would end.

It was the first prayer I had in years.

From the avenues of the city, I wound my way onto another bus, using the money Shizuru had let me keep. I paused as her name crossed my mind, taking a seat at one of the windows and staring out as the bus pulled away from the curb. I hadn't thought about her much after our encounter, but now she was all I could think about. Her timing had been perfect - almost too perfect - and she took care of things a lot faster than what I could have done on my own. It was as if she exactly what to say for my particular case, like she had some insight into the situation. Then there was the departing handshake and the way her the pad of her finger brushed against my palm sent shivers up my spine. I had looked up what that meant once and I think it meant something of a sexual nature.

My cheeks instantly grew red and my nostrils flared.

No, I shook my head. I just met her and in any case she was my lawyer. Something like that happening would only get us both in trouble, but no matter how much I tried to banish thoughts of her away, she only seemed to invade my mind until she was the only thing I could think about. Memories of her winsome smile had my heart racing and how her long tawny hair danced behind her as she walked, and then of course those deep crimson eyes like molten rubies. Those eyes were what drew me in and I couldn't help but think what deep, dark secrets lay behind them.

"Shizuru . . ."

Even her name sounded beautiful and flowed off my tongue like a sweet song.

* * *

The bus took me straight home and I stepped off rather lethargically, my stomach growling more often than not. I couldn't remember when I had last eaten and I was looking forward to Mai's warm cooking. I sometimes teased Mai about her food, saying that she should try out to be a contestant on one of those cooking shows we sometimes saw on TV., but each time she would wave me off.

"I'm not that good, Natsuki!" she claimed with a bashful smile, going back to stir whatever she had brewing on the stove.

"Yeah right!" I would call back. "I couldn't find any better food even if I walked into a five-star restaurant. You give yourself too little credit, Mai."

A smile tugged at my lips as I shook the memory away. I had no doubt that if Mai wanted to try out for such shows, she would always come out on top.

Strolling down the street, I came up the driveway and pulled the house key from my pocket, sliding it into the door and unlocking it. I expected the delicious aromas of food to greet me at full force, but blinked when there were none. _Strange,_ I thought, closing the door and locking behind me, _Mai's usually cooking right about now. _Removing my shoes, I crept down the hall towards the kitchen.

"I'm home," I called, hoping to hear someone reply back. The sound of a chair scraping against the floor and feet sprinting towards me eased my nerves and I smiled as Alyssa came to greet me. "Hey." I stooped down the give her a hug.

Alyssa nestled herself in my arms, smiling. "Hi! Glad you're home."

I nodded. "Yeah, me too. Where's Mai and Takumi? Shouldn't they be here?"

"Takumi's here," Alyssa said, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. "He's helping me with math. Mai went out to get Annie."

I blinked, brow knitting together. "Where's Anberlin?" That girl knew she had to come straight home after school, no exceptions.

"She went back to school after dropping me off," she explained with a casual shrug as if it were no big deal. "Said she had to ask her teacher for help."

Once more I paused. Something seemed fishy. Anberlin _never _asked for help and usually scraped through school by the skin of her teeth. And then there was her leaving Alyssa all alone in the house without anyone to watch her. I frowned. I had to give her a talking to when she got home. "Do you know when they'll be back?"

Alyssa suddenly paused, brow furrowing in concentration as she then counted on her fingers, one at a time. "Mmm . . . this many?" she guessed, holding up seven fingers.

My expression softened. Alyssa always knew how to make me feel better without her knowing it. "Okay," I nodded, giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze just like my dad used to when I was little. "Go back and finish your homework and I'll come check it later." Rising to my full height, I watched her bounce back towards the kitchen and I couldn't help but sigh. It was so hard to think something so innocent and sweet could from something as vile as my mother and her husband . . . but then again I was of her to . . .

_So what does that make me? _

I shook my head. I knew who I was and it wasn't a monster like her. I had stepped up where she had failed to and for that I was much more of a woman than she was. I was nothing like her, even though her face matched mine.

From the time I got home to the time Mai and Anberlin arrived I busied myself with seeking out another job and like most people, I went to the newspaper. In the years since my mother left, I had just about poured through every clipping I could find, trying out for such an array of jobs that would make any worker proud. From waitressing to trash collecting, I had done it all, but somehow none of them ever stuck. The company either went out of business, the workers were laid off, or I was fired for being late one times too many. this time, as I scoured through page, after page, after page, I only found a handful of job openings - none of which I was qualified for. They were all manager positions for big name companies that required a lot of experience and at least two years of college.

I sighed, casting the paper aside. The job market had become so competitive that no one would even look at you if you didn't have a college diploma or weren't an active college student. Since I had to support Annie and Alyssa, I didn't have the means nor the time to go to college. It just became another school that I didn't have to go to, but now that everyone was demanding students, I wished I had made an effort to juggle school.

The pads of my fingers massaged my temples as a troubled sigh released from my lungs. _W__hat am I going to do?_

The lock to the front door clicked and my head shot up, zeroing in on Anberlin as she and Mai walked through the door. Her blue gaze met mine and visibly she blanched, but quickly recovered. I frowned further. Who was she to think she could be hard around me, after everything I had seen at her age? There was nothing that scared me anymore, especially my irresponsible sister.

"Back," I mouthed. "Now."

Anberlin hesitated a minute, as if debating wether she should fight, run, or do as she was told. She took a step back and I stood up from my seat to chase after her, but she sighed deeply and moved towards the hallway to go to her room. _Smart girl. _

"Oh, Natsuki how did -?" Mai began.

"Can't talk now, Mai," I replied as I brushed past her. Her eyes were on me the whole time I walked down the hall and disappeared into Anberlin's room.

Anberlin lay on her bed with one leg crossed over the other, an arm behind her head, and headphones in her ears. Her fingers clicked through the songs on her mp3 player and looked for all the world like she had done nothing wrong. Shutting the door rather roughly, I ripped the headphones out of her ears and cast them (along with the mp3 player) onto the floor.

"What the junk?!" Anberlin cried as she sat up, looking down at her mp3 player then back at me. "Why'd you do that?"

"I could ask you the same question," I growled. Moving to stand in front of the bed, I towered over, glaring. "How could you leave your little sister alone for all those hours?! She's just a little kid, she could get into trouble or hurt herself."

I had things I needed to do, would you just chill?" she huffed, waving me off like anyone would wave a fly.

"That doesn't excuse the fact that you neglected her!"

Annie huffed, raising a brow incredulously. "Neglect? You make it sound like I abandoned her - when I didn't! I only left her alone for like ten minutes. I wasn't gone long and besides, I called up Takumi and asked him to babysit."

"That doesn't excuse the fact that you left her alone without anyone! You were lucky Takumi got here before anything happened to her." I crossed my arms. "And what's this about you going to school for help? You never went for help."

Anberlin didn't miss a beat. "I didn't get the math homework so I dropped Alyssa off at home then went back." A sly glint passed in her blue eyes and didn't like how she grinned so cunningly at me. "Check my backpack if you don't believe me. You'll see every one of my answers are right."

My first instinct was to indeed go and check, but then my judgement got the better of me. Anberlin wouldn't openly dare me to accuse her if she had something to hide and even though I should have looked into her backpack that day, I remained where I was and sighed deeply, letting out from frustrations on the wings of my breath. "I believe you, but still you are grounded for the rest of the night for leaving Alyssa alone. You are to stay in your room, do your homework, and no dinner." I stooped down to snatch up her mp3 player before she could reach for it.

"That's not fair!" she cried as I left.

"Don't do the crime if you can't afford the time," I rhymed, knowing the meaning all too well.

She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall, mumbling a growl so low that I could barely hear it, but I could still understand the words. "Child abuser."

I stopped in my tracks, frozen. The harsh accusations of my mother from earlier that day rang out in my head and I felt sick to my stomach. I knew for a fact that I was anything but a child abuser and shouldn't have taken it to heart, but all of my fear and doubt fed into it until I could no longer deny wether it was true or not. Glancing over my shoulder, I turned back to Anberlin and quickly shuffled towards her, coiling my arms around her in a tight embrace. She stiffened in my hold, trying to push away, but I only clutched her tighter. I wanted her to see how much that statement wasn't true, that I wasn't the monster everyone thought me to be.

"You don't know how lucky you are that I'm here," I whispered in her ear. My voice was heavy and I had to swallow to keep it from cracking.

Pulling away, I left her alone and made B-line to the bathroom, locking myself inside and starting the shower. Quickly the steam rose up from the scalding water and drenched me in humidity. It was hard to breathe but I didn't care - every day, it was hard to breathe. Tossing off my clothes, I stepped into the water and my skin burned beneath the boiling rush. I reached to turn down the temperature until it was at a comfortable warmth, relaxing once the subtle throb in my flesh had subsided. Beneath the fall of the shower, Anberlin's and my mother's words joined in my mind to form the most vile of insults. They leeched off my sanity and drained me of whatever self-confidence I had left, sinking me deeper and deeper into a spiral of self-loathing. I couldn't handle all of this misfortune anymore. All of it had become too much and I desperately wanted a way out - I needed a way out. My fist pounded the wall of the shower and I grit my teeth, trying with all my will not to reach for the razor next to me.

_"Take care of yourself." _

I blinked my eyes open. I hadn't even been thinking of Shizuru and suddenly her words cut through all of the pain like a blinding shaft of light. That simple phrase repeated in my mind over and over again and the razor slipped from my hand, clattering to the floor. I had to take care of myself to be there for Anberlin and Alyssa, otherwise there would be no one for them - just like there was no one there for me. I couldn't be selfish.

Shaking my head, I resumed my shower, washing my hair and skin until it was nice and clean. Shutting off the shower, I dried and paused at the mirror, wiping away the steam that had condensed upon its silvery surface. My reflection stared back at me, refreshed from a long day of disappointments to start anew. Slicking my hair back, I walked into my room for a fresh pair of clothes.

* * *

"So, Natsuki," Mai said pointedly, "how was your day today?"

Looking up from my bowl of homemade ramen, I chewed the soft noodles before answering. "Sweet and sour," I replied nonchalantly. I didn't want to think about the man being shot or Nao. I didn't need them to burden my mind tonight.

Conversation didn't go into too much depth from then. We only touched on the odd thing with Alyssa and Takumi's schoolwork and of course Anberlin stayed in her room. I felt bad seeing Annie's spot at the table empty. I knew it was for a good reason, but it didn't feel the same without my whole family. Sighing, I slurped up the last of the ramen broth and went in search of more in the kitchen.

Ma followed me, collecting Alyssa's and Takumi's dishes as she did so and put them in the sink. We stood abreast as I refilled my bowl and she cleaned the others.

"You said your day was sweet and sour," she said, instantly picking up where we had left off. "What does that mean? Didn't Shizuru come?"

I paused for a moment at the mention of Shizuru's name before dishing out the last of the food. "She did," I nodded, "and just in the nick of time. She really saved me." Resting my back against the counter, I sipped at the ramen idly, not really tasting it.

Shutting off the water, Mai turned to me, leaning her elbows on the sink. "Really? What happened?"

I related the story: my mother and her husband, Shizuru showing up, the divorcees, the shooting, Officer Armitage, and then Nao. I shook my head and released a sigh, polishing off the last of the ramen. "It was hectic day."

Mai nodded. "I can tell. I'm surprised you survived it all." She, too, then sighed and opted for staring at the wall, deep in thought. "Hearing about Nao, I don't know what to think anymore. She used to live on my block before she went bad." She hung her head, the jagged bangs of her orange hair covering her eyes. "I don't know how to see her: as the rebellious girl across the street or the devious drug lord."

"You're not making me feel any better about this," I replied, voice just as solemn. "It's hard enough knowing Nao can run around doing whatever the hell she wants, but to recruit young kids!"

"Natsuki!" Mai pointed towards Alyssa and Takumi. "Keep it down, will you? I don't want them picking up that kind of language."

"Sorry. It's just that . . ." I groaned, running a hand through my hair. "All of this makes me so mad . . . I just hope things get better."

Mai placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Don't worry, Natsuki. You'll be fine. After all, what goes down must come up right?"

I couldn't help but half smile and nod. Mai always had a knack of knowing what to say. "Right."

* * *

**That's all folks! For now at least. Next time we get to see what happens in Shizuru's office~**


	6. A Monster Tried to Eat Me

**Next chapter! This thing is getting so much reviews, thanks you guys. Some people found the length of the last chapter too short so I'm going to try to extend it a bit, maybe by 1,000 words or so but no promises. We'll se just how much my brain spits out. **

* * *

I awoke earlier than normal the next day. Wether it was because I was nervous or frustrated or simply had trouble sleeping, I'll never know. All I know is I woke up at around 6 that morning, pulled on a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt, smoothed my hair over with my fingers, and made my way into the kitchen. It was still relatively dark with only the light coming from the street lamps outside. A fine mist had settled over the neighborhood and it did nothing to ease my tension. It only seemed to make me even more groggy, coaxing me to fall on the couch in the living room and sleep the morning away - which I very well could do. Mai was covering for me that day due to my meeting with Shizuru and I didn't have anything else to do other than searching for another job.

I stopped, moaning, and fell down on the couch anyhow with a hand over my eyes. I still needed to figure out how to get another job. It wouldn't be easy and no one was hiring - as far as I knew. Annie, Alyssa and I would need to tighten our belts a bit more just to scrape by. I didn't want to tell them to make more sacrifices than we already do, but it would have to be done if we were to survive . . . if I were to keep them.

With a sigh I rubbed my temples. Shizuru had better know what she was doing, I mused, staring straight at the electronic clock perched upon a table. It's red, blocky numbers blinked back at me like the lazy eyes of a cat disturbed from its rest. Otherwise my mother would wipe the floor with me and make my life a living hell, well, more of a hell than it already was.

"No," I muttered quietly so only I could hear.

I wouldn't give up so easily, I couldn't allow my mother to law her hands upon my sisters. She didn't deserve to do to them what she did to me. Alyssa and Anberlin deserved a better fate than that. I needed to have faith in Shizuru that she knew what she was doing. She seemed to be a pretty good lawyer and I had no doubt that she could charm her way out of any mess . . . just like how she charmed me.

A hot blush crept over my cheeks and I shook it away, sitting up. No, I reasoned. We hardly knew each other and with good looks like that she undoubtedly had a boyfriend . . . or a girlfriend. And in any case it wouldn't be good politics for a lawyer to be involved with her client and vice versa. No, it would be better to just leave crushes between nonfiction and fiction in the fantasy isle.

Rising up off the couch, I crossed over into the kitchen and flicked on the light. Harsh yellow light stung my eyes and for a moment I had to cringe, holding up an arm until my vision slowly adjusted. That was the one time I wished that the house was equipped with that kind of fancy lighting where you could move a dial-up and down and control the brightness.

Blinking away the blindness I stumbled towards a worn out coffee pot and grabbed the glass pot, filling up halfway with tap water. Working in a coffee shop, I often wondered why I wasn't sick of coffee (or didn't get a free latte when I wanted). Returning to the pot, I dumped it in and changed out the filter, putting in a couple scoops of the black stuff and pressing the On button and waiting for it to brew. The room filled with the harsh gurgle of boiling water and I leaned against the kitchen sink to stare out of the window into the darkness.

My mind wandered into nothingness I just stood there, staring. I almost bored myself to sleep and would have dozed off if I hadn't seen a flicker of movement in the window. Frowning, I peered closer at the reflection and sighed, shaking my head. Pulling away, I stuck my hands in my pockets and casually tramped down the hallway, shutting the door just as soon as Anberlin opened it.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked pointedly. She stared up at me, thinking.

"Play basketball," she replied, holding up a worn ball for good measure, as if it would persuade me to allow her to leave.

I raised an eyebrow. "This early in the morning?"

She peered into the darkness of the living room at the clock. "It's 6:10."

A harsh sigh left my lips. I wasn't in any mood to deal with her antics. "You're not going out this early when the streetlights haven't even gone out."

"But Natsuki I promised my friend I would meet her at the court by 6:30!" she cried.

My brow raised even more. "What friend?"

"Irina Woods. She's a girl from school, total tech geek so I decided she needed to get out more." Anberlin brought the ball up to her finger and spun it, occasionally tapping it to keep it going.

I didn't reply right away. I had never met Irina Woods (but then again I haven't met many of Anberlin's friends, if she even had any). I didn't want to let her go running around so early in the morning - especially on a school day.

"Why're you even up this early?" I asked. "It's a school day, normally you'd still be in bed."

"Oh, didn't I tell you? It's a furlough day. You know, budget cuts and whatnot." Anberlin shrugged, hoisting the small sports backpack higher upon her shoulder. "Yeah we got the day off, Alyssa too."

"Really?" I had been aware of the budget cuts in the schools and it sounded plausible, and Anberlin wouldn't bring Alyssa into it unless it were true . . . "Okay, how long are you going to be gone?"

Relief sparkled in Annie's blue eyes and she offered a small smile. "I dunno. Maybe half an hour, an hour?"

I nodded. "Okay, I have somewhere to be later, so make sure you're here by the time I leave." I opened the door for her, watching as she jumped onto the porch. "And stay with Alyssa while I'm gone! I don't want you two running around the streets and I don't know where you are."

"Natsuki, chill!" Anberlin cried, turning back to face me from the curb. "Geez, we're not going to do anything crazy. Trust me, okay? Later." She took off down the street at a swift run, disappearing around the corner in a matter of seconds.

For some reason I had the want to go after her, to bring her back and coax her into staying in the house. Still, I had to trust her. She was a growing girl and even though she got into trouble and was a pain in the ass more often than not, I had to give her the benefit of the doubt that she would do the right thing. Sighing, I stepped back into the house and closed the door behind me.

* * *

The house was silent, which wasn't anything unusual. Alyssa was still asleep and Anberlin was still out. The fog outside was so thick that no sunlight was able to penetrate through, leaving me alone in the darkness. After a brief session of lazing on the couch, I ventured towards the kitchen once more to drain the last of the coffee. It was probably cold now, I reasoned with a yawn, but a quick trip in the microwave would fix that.

Oddly enough, the hall to the kitchen seemed a lot longer than usual and the more I walked, the longer it seemed to be. Frustrated I broke out into a trot then a run, but the pathway seemed never-ending. What was worse, my limbs were sluggish and slow, making a simple task such as running a chore. I became winded before long and had to stop for breath, the light from the kitchen bleeding into the pitch of the hall, teasing me, taunting.

"This is weird," I finally concluded after I caught my breath. Standing straight, I began walking once more, but the light still eluded me, drifting further and further the closer I got until I finally gave up. Coffee wasn't worth the trouble. Shaking my head, I turned to walk back toward the living room when I was suddenly met with the horrendous sight of Nao.

I cried out, surprised and fearful, and stumbled back so suddenly that I tripped over my ankles. I fell with a hard crash onto the floor and stared up at her. She was glaring at me as if I were the worst monster in the world and in the dark of the hall her eyes glowed a poisonous green. My throat ran dry and I was thrown into a panic.

"H-How did you get in here?!" I yelped. "How did you know where I live?"

She smirked and chuckled in a way that sounded like bones breaking. My blood ran cold. "You've lived in the same house all of your life," she purred, walking towards me even as I scooted back. The click of her boots echoed in my ears like gunshots.

I thought fast, holding up a hand as if it would shield me. "Listen, whatever it is we can talk it. I'll pay back the money, I'll do anything."

"Stop your blubbering, Kuga," Nao sighed with as bored a tone as ever. It was as if I wasn't worth her time, as if this was no more than an annoying errand. "You should know that at this point there are no negotiations." She reached into her pocket and toyed with something. I heard a _click!_ and I blanched.

Nao smiled like how a cat would smile after it cornered a bird and she withdrew what she was playing with in her pocket - a gun. "You know how the game works," she said as she loaded five bullets into the chamber. The tips of said bullets were painted bright green - Nao's signature color. "I'll give you to the count of ten to run as fast as you can. If you can outrun the bullets, you're free to go." She cocked the gun and glanced back at me evilly.

The blood pumped so hard and fast in my veins that it hurt. My heart was raging against my ribs in fright and every last ounce of warmth left my body. I was frozen, scared and terrified of what would happen to me. In all the executions Nao had carried out, she never missed a single target - and I would be no different. My time had come and there was only one chance I had to live.

_Run! _

Before I knew what was happening, my legs were carrying me straight down the hallway faster than I ever thought possible. My lungs burned and my legs already ached but I kept running. I wasn't going to die.

Nao's wicked laughter echoed around me, surrounding me. "That's it! Run, Kuga, run!" A sudden explosion bounced off to my right and I yelped, pumping my legs faster. Nao had missed that shot on purpose. It was a test, a way to entertain herself before she went in for the kill.

"Ten . . ." Nao counted, humor lacing every single syllable. "Nine . . . Eight . . . Seven . . . Six . . . Five . . ."

She fired again, this time to my left, nearly grazing the skin of my elbow.

I was so scared. Even though I was running as fast as I could, it wasn't fast enough. Nao was gaining and so was Death. I could feel the icy grip of his hand upon my back, ready to squeeze every ounce of life out of me.

"Please," I begged, keeping straight ahead for the light. If I reached it, I could find my gun taped under the kitchen sink. "Please, help me!"

"Four . . ."

_Bang! _

Shrapnel bounced off my heels and I screwed my eyes shut, running with all my might until every muscle burned. Sweat poured down my face until the collar of my shirt was soaked.

"Three . . ."

_Bang!_

"AH!" The skin of my arm ripped open as the bullet grazed the skin in a deadly kiss. Hot blood dripped out of the wound and I fought back the urge to stop. I needed to keep going. A wound to the arm would heal, but nothing could heal the dead.

"Two . . ."

_Bang!_

Sharp pain worse than I could imagine exploded in the calf of my right leg and I screamed, losing balance and crashing to the ground. My hands flew to my calf, squeezing the muscle as hot blood poured all over my fingers. I lay there grunting like an animal, trying to fight back the pain. It felt as if my whole leg had been amputated, the bone inside shattered and poking into every soft fiber it could. I had to get to a hospital.

The clicking of heels on the ground sent me shivering again and I looked back to see Nao approaching. She was moving the chamber of the gun to fit the last bullet and I panicked. Desperately I clawed at the ground, inching myself along towards the light. It was so close now, just a few more feet and I would be safe. I could call for help, I could get my gun - I could live.

A sudden crushing pressure on my wounded leg stalled me in place and I moaned, falling back against the ground in sheer agony. I thought I would surely pass out, it was so intense. Nao forcefully rolled me over onto my back and smiled down at me. I could only stare.

"Please," I begged, holding up a hand again. "Please, don't. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

My pleas were unheard as Nao slowly raised the gun until it was eye-level with me. I lost all feeling in my body, shaking violently as tears coursed down my cheeks in a torrent. I had met my end.

"One," Nao grinned and pulled the trigger.

* * *

"Natsuki! Natsuki! Wake up!"

Bolting upright from the couch I yelped and looked around frantically. Sunlight seeped in through the windows and nothing seemed disturbed. Alyssa stood next to me, brow crumpled in worry.

"You okay?" she asked in a timid voice. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Panting hard, I continued to stare at her, the terrifying image of Nao fresh in my mind. That had been all too real for my taste and even though it was a nightmare, I felt like I had lived every waking moment of it. Even as I sat there I could still feel the dull pain in my leg where Nao shot me through.

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself so Alyssa would be at ease. "Yeah," I nodded. "Just a bad dream." I smiled ruefully. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

Gazing up at me with her big blue eyes, Alyssa pursed her lips as if she were thinking really hard. It was as if she could see right through my carefree front to the real trouble beneath and for a moment I was worried she might expose me.

"What was it about?" she suddenly asked and I blanched. How could I tell a little kid that my ex-drug lord came at me with a gun and murdered me in cold blood? Alyssa was still ignorant to my dark past and I preferred to keep it that way.

"A monster tried to eat me," I lied. "It was really scary." I gazed down at her sheepishly and placed a hand on her head, ruffling the soft locks of blonde hair. "Sorry if I woke you up."

Alyssa smiled and beamed at the touch, her icy eyes sparkling. "I was already up." Striding forward, she climbed up on the couch and moved to sit in my lap, leaning so that her back was pressed against my front. My arms instinctively wrapped around her, my chin resting on her head.

"Wanna know what I do when monsters try to eat me?" she asked.

I hummed, buzzing Alyssa's head. "Sure."

"I close my eyes, hug my bear, and tell it that it's not real," Alyssa stated as if it were the greatest advice in the world. "Then it goes away!"

The corners of my lips quirked upwards ever so slightly. "Is that so? That's good advice. You should be a therapist and make lots of money helping people solve their problems."

Tilting her head upwards, she smiled at me. "Really?"

I nodded, smiling back. "Really, really."

"Yay!" she squealed. "Then we can all live in a big house with a big yard and a swimming pool. We can have a bazillion rooms and fill them with ice cream and ponies and unicorns . . ."

She prattled on like this for at least ten minutes or so, but I had gone deaf to her. I had no doubt Alyssa would have a great future, and Anberlin too. They were both smart girls and had everything going for them, and to the deepest part of my heart I hoped that all of their dreams and wishes would come true where mine had ceased to exist.

"That sounds great," I praised once she had stopped ranting. "And just think, all of that could be possible. You just have to reach out and grab it."

Smiling again, Alyssa stretched out her hand and closed her fingers into a fist as if she might snatch something from the air. I blinked.

"What're you doing?" I asked as she tried a second time.

"Reaching out and grabbing it," Alyssa answered simply. She opened her hand only to find nothing there. "But how come I'm not getting anything?"

A laugh rocked my throat and I shook my head. "No, it's a metaphor. It means good things will happen to you as long as you're patient and you keep trying. You don't get anything if you don't work for it." _And sometimes even if you work, you still don't get what you deserve. _

"Oohhh. Okay, that makes sense, but Natsuki I want it now. How long do I have to wait?"

I could only shrug. "I don't know. Sometimes you could wait a very long time, and sometimes it could happen like that." I snapped my fingers. "It all depends."

"On what?"

That was a hard question. I would have liked to have said Fate or Destiny or even God, but that would only lead to more questions that I didn't want to answer. And besides, I couldn't answer that when I didn't even know myself.

"I don't know."

Alyssa pouted. "But I thought you knew everything."

"No, I don't know everything," I admitted with a laugh. "I wish I did though." _Perhaps if I did, I could find out why my life had taken such a downturn over the years. _

Setting her off my lap and into the floor, I stood up and stretched, the muscles in my back popping. For only being 21, I sure felt old. "Where's Annie? She back yet?"

Alyssa nodded, still watching me. "Uh huh, she's in her room sleeping. I think she got hurt."

I blinked. "What happened?"

The girl shrugged. "I dunno. She has this big purple bruise over her eye."

I frowned. "Hm, she might have overdone it on the basketball court. Make sure she puts some ice on it to keep the swelling down." I glanced to the electric clock and took a step back. _8:30. How long was I asleep? _By the time I made it into the city, I reasoned, Shizuru's office should be open. Most business were open around 9 anyhow.

"Natsuki, you're blushing!" Alyssa jeered, giggling and pointing at my face.

"What?" Reaching up, I touched my cheek only to find it burning hot. Crap! I couldn't even think about Shizuru without blushing! "It's just hot in here," I downplayed.

Striding towards the door I pulled on my weathered pair of sneakers and the Letterman jacket left to my by my dad. Even after all these years I could still smell the faint musk of his cologne.

"I have to go somewhere really quick, but I'll be back later." Digging out the keys to the door, I fit it into the lock and opened it up. The air smelled fresh and clean. "If you get hungry have Annie make you something to eat." Bending down, I pulled Alyssa into a hug and I couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu. "I love you. Be good, okay?"

Alyssa nodded. "Always."

* * *

**Yes, still no Shiznat, unless you count some Natsuki thinking about her. I don't want to keep the chapters very long because a) I don't have the patience or time for that and b) I don't want to bore anyone with extremely long chapters. **

**Okay, for sure this time. Next chapter will be all about ShizNat, I promise. It'll be mostly about Shiznat from now on and their relationship and how it grows. **


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